So I want to ask...

do you want me? Or do you want me to go leave and find some other girl?

Or would you rather I just found someone else for a while and then came back later?

But even if she told me to leave I don't think I could do that. Because that would mean that I'm just like all those "others" of hers that said they'd love her forever, and now where are they? Gone.

I know it's retarded, but I really can't do /anything/... I mean I think about it, I turn it over in my mind, and I see failure. Every option is failure.

I want to scream and yell it!

But it wouldn't help. And it would just be losing more control over myself. But I really want to yell that because I'm frustrated, and all my efforts are in vain, because if I'm not lying to myself, then I'm betraying her. Or if I'm lucky I'm doing BOTH. Hence, I want to yell.

And what sucks is no matter how I put it or tell her like this... she won't change her mind.

And me... I'm stuck here, full of rage and pain and confusion.

And hurt. Lots and lots of hurt. I can only say, really, God it hurts! It's the only way to convey exactly how I feel. It's on a slightly baser level than normal, and I just don't know about life any more.

Suck.