Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Story Time!


"You have got to be kidding me!" I thought to myself as I sprinted out the door. "Really? Zombies? I mean, really?"

At 6'2", 185 pounds, dirty blond hair, and blue eyes, I really didn't consider myself "fit" so much as "not out of shape." However, I was never much of a sprinter, although running for my life gave me a little boost of stamina. Luckily, just like the movies, these zombies were slow. I counted four or five of them. This is what I get for working over spring break! At least the campus was empty. With the regular state of affairs on campus, a zombie outbreak would probably spread like wildfire. As it was, there was a handful of zombies chasing me, but no one else. After I put a few hundred feet between us, I began slowing, looking around for any resources.

I wasn't sure I wanted to go back for my bike - I had parked it in front of the Student Center and that's where we came from. I was carrying my Gerber multi-tool so that was +1 for me. I was also wearing my running shoes instead of sandals. But with more than one zombie, I was going to need something to increase my range... I almost tripped over it - a rock about the size of a baseball in the middle of alumni circle.

Turning back to the small cluster of zombies, I thought to myself I still can't believe it. Hefting the rock, I readied myself to throw. I'd let them get within about 50 ft, then let it rip.

"ThWUNK-SPLATT!", it sounded like an overly ripe watermelon. As its head burst open, the other zombies paused, sniffing around the air. Unfortunately I was down wind, and they smelled aweful. It's really to describe the stench of rotting flesh without using the term "rotting flesh". And boy was it pungent. I turned and ran, trying to get a breath of fresh air so I wouldn't puke my guts out. After about a hundred more feet I looked back, and was surprised at what I saw. They're not following me... I wasn't sure why until I realized - I'm downwind... and... Ewwww! I guess zombie brains taste good enough! They were scooping up handfuls of mush off the ground, slurping it up. After weighing my options I decided that I really needed my bike, so I started to circle around, keeping my eye out for more rocks... and more zombies.

The wind had stopped, and those zombies were still feeding when I reached my bike and unlocked it, wrapping the cable up, thinking I might have a use for it soon. That's when I felt my pants vibrate. If I were trying to look brave, I'd tell you that nothing happened, but I was so high strung that I practically jumped out of my shorts before I realized it was my cell phone - it was my wife calling. The tone seemed to echo across the empty campus before I could answer. "Hello?" I asked nervously and a bit too quiet. "Are you OK, honey?" my wife asked. "I'm okay, are you okay??" I asked, almost shouting. Then I noticed the zombies had started moving in my direction... not with purpose, it seemed, but more curiosity. "I'm fine," She replied, sounding a little confused, "What's going on?"

"Zombies," I replied as I jumped on my bike and started pedaling towards home. "I know it sounds crazy, and you probably think I'm joking," I said, cutting her off, "But I'm serious. About five of them came after me... I'm pretty sure I killed one of them. I threw a rock and hit his head. At least I think it was a he. I've gotta swing by the house to grab the car and some quick supplies." Doing some quick mental calculations I asked, "Will you be alright for 10 minutes at the day care? Or should I come pick you up first? I'm not sure what to do about the kids... Should I pick up the girls on my way to get you?"

I tried to ride a little slower while I was talking to eliminate wind. I took off when I was done talking, pumping as hard as I could while I listened. I thought that I had a good tactical mind, I thought as she explained her plan, but my goodness that woman has a mind!. I listened in admiration. She would bar the windows and doors, and get the big knives from the kitchen in easy reach while I grabbed the car and some quick supplies and picked up the girls. "I'll call you as soon as I'm home, honey. If I don't call in 5, call me back!" "Be careful, I love you!" "I love you too."

As I focused on my ride I was struck by the thought: It's too quiet... eerie even! Not a car on the road.

It only took a few minutes to make it to our house, and I called her back. A sense of dread filled my stomach with each extra second the phone rang. Tears pricked at my eyes as I got off my bike and pulled out my knife.

To be continued!

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