ooooh hey isn't that fun? :-p

Why is it that when you're there for someone, and you're the one they need, they don't want you. And they're too blind to see that they do? Man... I'm just so frustrated with life and everything... I just want to punch my monitor as hard as I can. But that wouldn't be good for me. My monitor probably wouldn't do a thing, but I bet I'd break my fist. And that would suck.

More than how much people suck. Man. *sigh* whatever...

I mean, every single girl that I've really liked and gone out on a limb for... They either hate me or didn't care enough.

Contestant #1) She came out to Arkansas about 15-30 minutes away from me, and I spent a lot of money calling her, and drove up to see her. I thought she liked me. When she got home I found out she decided to go for an ex who probably knocked her up by now. Or something. Sad.

Contestant #2) Some chick in AZ. I realized how much I loved Contestant # 3 when she came to visit her family. Told #2. She really really hates me to this day.

Contestant #3) A girl I had a crush on from the time we were like... 4? Way young in any case. Realized how much I loved her. Thought she reciprocated. Spent ~$200 on a bus ticket back to AR from her house in SD. Then when she moved in with her dad in another state, I found out she didn't love me. I was a big dummy and tried to guilt her into loving me, I guess. Didn't work, she didn't talk for a while. Then I wrote a letter of apology, and I believe she accepted. We talk now, but there's a rift on her side. Reason for her not loving me... I wasn't Romantic. She was then hurt by a guy who used her to make out.

Contestant #4) A girl I talked to between other girls. She sorta had a thing for me. When I was in CA for a family reunion, I went up to se her. Apperantly the 24 hours I was there were much less important than the week her friend was spending with her. Then when I got home, Contestant #5 told me I needed to talk out what was wrong. I asked #4 to put her friends on hold so we could talk. Her exact words "You know I can't do that". So I didn't.

Contestant #5) I really liked her. Heck, I'd say love. I loved each one of them. This one though, she had the same problem of time. Well, worse actually. I would have been FINE with 5 minutes a week "Hey Wayne, I'm wackin busy this week, I've got so much school & HW to do! I'll talk to you later!". But appearantly I wasn't even worth that much. It was over 2 weeks in a row before I heard from her. Possibly 4. Not even an e-mail for my birthday. We still talk, but only because someone she knew had a brain annurysm and died. So she decided that she didn't want us to not be talking. We talk every now and then. But pretty much only when I IM her. Isn't that often. Oh yeah... the limb I went out on was I wrote poetry. Kinda nice though, I'm not afraid of putting my feelings to paper in prose or poem or verse. Still...

And now I'm... I don't know, I just don't go out on a limb for girls. At all. It just sucks too because theres a nice girl I've been talking to, but I just... bleh!

and life SUCKS. Anyways. SLeep is near - W