So I realized, or rather re-realized something about me and relationships...

I'm not the type of guy who will "fight" for a girl.

Not saying that if a girl was like... attacked or something I wouldn't beat the snot out of the guy.... no nothing like that. Because I would.

But for instance, let's say I like this girl, and I kinda make either friendly or slightly more than friendly advances towards her, and some other guy does, too... and she starts showing interest in him... I pretty much back off. Actually it's pretty much if I'm not reciprocated. And now it's kinda even if I am...

But I blame that on my last failed relationship. Because I expressed all my insecurities - I'm afraid that you'll be just like all my past girls, and just decide I'm not worth it, blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc.

Yeah, well, she said 'oh no! I won't be like that! Never, no way no how!' to paraphrase....

well I gave my heart completely to her.

planned on asking her to marry me.

but... I never got that far, because I'm not worth it apparently.

and so I'm honestly not very hopeful that I'll EVER find a girl who suits me.

"Oh sure you will!" You say, but really... you don't even have any idea. Sorry to say it, but you don't.

Out of all the girls that I know... every single last one of them... when I'm truly honest with myself... the only ones I could say have any hope are those that are either too young to have fully formed their opinions and outlooks and desires... okay, that's really it. Of course it could also be that I just don't know them well enough... but really and truly, I don't know anyone who would be suitable.

Unless they're just too young.

So for now... I don't really have anyone that I'm pursuing...

maybe I just don't have the faith...

or maybe they just don't make them like they used to.

Pretty much I'm just outta luck, I guess.

Bleh.