Sunday, May 13, 2007

Bloggeriffic, RFL

So Friday & Saturday they had Relay for Life in Maumelle. My dad signed us up on D. O.'s Superstars, the team honoring my brother's girlfriend's dad, who died of cancer not too long ago.

It was nice, we had a real good time, walking, talking, relaxing, getting sunburnt, eating, playing frisbee, line dancing... it was just a real good time.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Relay for Life, basically you walk around a track, at least one person/team for 24 hours, because cancer doesn't sleep.

It was really fun, but not really sleeping sure does a number on ya. At least it did on me.

But it was a good time, and I had an opportunity to reflect on a lot of things going on in my life, and I realized that really, I'm rather confused.


I used to know just what I wanted out of life and love. But now I'm not so sure... about either of them, actually.

One thing that I do see, though, is that the world sure seems to be going to Hell in a handbasket. Not very many people realize it, and I think most of the people who do realize it, think it's for the wrong reasons.


In other news, although related...

I've only had two "girlfriends", as common etymology refers to them. It's interesting, because I've always thought it was a moronic concept, and I still do.

I don't think I ever realized exactly why, but now I can pretty identify all the reasons...

It's really a backwards process, this "going out" thing.

When you get down to brass tacks, there are really two purposes for physical intimacy. 1) To procreate, to make/bear/raise children, 2) to increase/develop/nurture the relationship between a man and a woman. At least those are the purposes that bring fulfillment.

So what does that have to do with "going out"?

The foundations of love, respect, intimacy, romance, trust, etc. are all built up to. You don't hate someone, or feel nothing for them one day, and then wake up the next day with a deep understanding and loving relationship with them. I've never heard of that happening anyways. You work at it slowly.

First you get to know someone - you introduce yourself to someone, get to know a little about them, and when you share some interests, then you start to share experiences about those interests. This is the level of acquaintance, or buddy or some equivalent expression.

Once you've shared a few experiences, and you trust this person, and develop these feelings of trust and respect, and mutual enjoyment of each other's company, and when you inspire each other to be better, that's when you've become friends.

So let's say you're a guy, and you have a friend that's a girl, and you think she's pretty neat, and you feel that hey, maybe we could have a life together... then you ask her if she wants to go on a date (I could go into how to ask people on a date, but that's more effort than I feel like writing right now). What's the difference between a date, and just hanging out and doing the things you've been doing? It's a formal expression of respect for someone. You're saying that you'd like to get to know that person better, that you think they're special enough that you want to single them out for a certain period of time. You don't wanna just "hang out", but there is a specific point to your activity - developing a closer relationship.

Well, let's say you both had a great time and want to go out again. And again. And again... after a few dates, and you both decide the other is a really neat person... and maybe one day you would like to marry them... then you both decide that you want to date exclusively. That's when you should "go out".

That's how it should work throughout your junior-high/high-school era. Then once you've graduated and you think you want to spend the rest of your life (or eternity, depending on your religious views) with this person, someone asks the question, all sorts of good times, and then marriage and all that comes with that.

So what is/was my problem with "going out"? It was a substitute for the friends/dating, but worse. Worse because you made a commitment to be a boyfriend/girlfriend. Why is that worse? Because you should be faithful to that person. And they should be faithful to you. And if you decide they're not really as cool as you thought they would be... then you have to terminate your relationship and you have to end this commitment that you entered in to on a whim.

So that gives you all sorts of problems down the road - commitments aren't really that important. You enter into, or end all sorts of things that you really should have taken more time, thought, and consideration before you committed to.

I suppose that's part of my "problem", is that I've always been like that - I didn't (and still don't) make commitments that I don't intend to keep. And if I miss my commitments, there better be a great reason, like I died or something.

The other problem with "going out" is if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it's okay (in society) to be physically intimate with them. The degree is determined by various things, such as how far you've gone in the past, peer pressure, hormones, environment...

See, I never really wanted to get that intimate with a girl - why? Because I was... anywhere from 12-19, and I wasn't planning on getting married until after I'd been on a mission, so why should I? There was certainly no benefit, I'd just be having a good time. So apparently my lack of desire to play suck-face translated into I didn't feel for them or something. Interesting how my desire to keep them pure, and myself pure wasn't a desirable quality.

So what if "making out" was involved? To be clear - making out is defined as open mouth/soul/french kissing, tonsil hockey, suck face... etc. Well, that's an action that arouses passion in its participants. Making out isn't a bad thing, it's just when it happens at a bad time. The good part is it increases emotions and passions for one another, which if you're married, that's a great thing. But what if you're not at the stage where you want to marry this person? What if you're just "going out"? This is where the problems occur - you have a desire, physically to be with this person. But mentally, intellectually, your sense tells you this person is kinda a dork, and (s)he really wouldn't make a good husband/wife/father/mother. So you get really confused, and you aren't sure what you want/need.

And then you have the pesky situation where one person has had... more experiences. Well there's a desire to continue having those experiences, and so unless they have a lot of control, they'll want to "expand their horizons" so to speak, which just exponentially increase the prior problem.

And now down the road, this person is married to someone (else). Unless they have amnesia, they will remember and think of those former experiences. Especially if they were better than the current ones. But I think even worse - there's this habit of jumping into things, and hey if it doesn't work out, we'll just end it, whatever, it's not like I haven't done it before.

I don't know if it could be directly linked, but I wouldn't be surprised if the casual "dating" attitude of kids could be linked with the high rate of divorce.

So I really do (and did) have problems with the whole "going out" thing...

I could probably write more, but I'm done for now.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, someone has put alot of thought into this subject. Considering it's all you talk about. You seem quite bitter.
Anyhow I followed through with my part of the deal. Did you shave? Hmmmm?
My views on dating in Highschool.
1. Most likely you will not marry the person your with.
2. Resisting sex in highschool prepares you to resist it in an adult relationship.
3. You learn how to react with the opposite sex.
4. You learn the difference between what right and wrong in a relationship.
5. You learn how to solve problems that seem small but with prepare you for large scale ones.
6. You gather information about what you want in a man/woman that you might want to marry later on.
For example:
-same religion
-same hopes and dreams
-same etc.
-Different etc.
7. You gradually begin to understand what love really means.
-Caring for someone no matter what may happens. Being there they need you and when they don't. Never cheating on them. Loving and caring even when they are not very lovable.So on so on.
All I can finish up with is do not be so bitter about love.
<3 Sarah Grizzaf.
Publish this comment por favor!

8:00 AM  

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