Wednesday, September 12, 2007

My Introversion and Relationships...

I do believe I've come to a realization about myself... or an understanding. Something of that nature.


The other day as I was reading that article on introverts, not only did I realize I'm somewhat of an introvert, but I also realized something else. I've never been terribly interested in being the center of attention. Ever. As a matter of fact, I'm usually fairly uncomfortable when any attention is thrown my way. Unless of course I'm on the stage. Then I want my due attention and all that good stuff.

But in person I'm often reserved, some might say aloof or standoffish. Which are both also probably true.

When I'm with people that I've gotten to know, I feel fairly comfortable speaking to them and having a good time. But I still prefer to listen and observe. I'm rarely uncomfortable with silence, unless it's with people that I don't know. But I do quite enjoy just being comfortable with someone, listening to them. In The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman calls the personalities a "babbling brook" and a "dead sea". I'm the dead sea - calm and really no need to make waves. I prefer to just listen to the babbling brooks babble. It's rather comforting to me. Heck, I even fall asleep listening to people I care about because it's so comforting.

The other part of my realization was more about relationships.

A lot of people seem to have this thought about marriage and what-not, that basically says, "Oh when I'm in a good relationship, it'll make me so happy! I just can't wait!" - as though the very act of being in a relationship determines whether or not they're happy. But if they're not happy, then the relationship must be a bad one. It really has nothing to do with them or their ignorance or intelligence. Or their desires or their actions.

It just seems to me that the whole goal is the relationship or marriage, and if anything only very little to do with their partner. I've never been that way. Marriage has simply been an extension, or a name, really, to describe what the relationship was. I've never cared for the labels to put on relationships for that reason - it seemed that people were so worried about the name, rather than the event... or process, really. Relationships aren't events, but processes. Forever processes, really.

But in my mind, I always could see that I was married to some wonderful girl who loved the outdoors, working with her hands, working with her mind, learning new things, having adventures with me... all of those great things.

I'm reminded, for instance, of my brother and his wife. They are both taking a japanese course (that's what he gave her for her last birthday). They bought a beginners electronic experiment kit, and then she watched him fix the garage door opener.

Throw in some outdoor adventures - going hiking and all that good stuff, and you pretty much have a small picture of the kind of vision I have.

I think the problem in all my relationships have been that I've wanted so much for them to be the awesome person I wanted them to be that I acted as if they were. And they were just the boring people that I really don't enjoy doing things with.

For instance. I love to swim, it's great fun. Too deep for too long and I can't touch and get tired and that's no fun. But standing in the shin-deep water is really not fun at all. If you have someone to play with it's not bad, but it gets old after a while.

I couldn't live with someone like that. I don't want to marry someone that I can predict everything she'll do... that's BORING. I like some stability... but too much gets old fast.

Well I have class, that's not all I could talk about but that's all for now.

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Anonymous Ashley said...

"Oh when I'm in a good relationship, it'll make me so happy! I just can't wait!" - as though the very act of being in a relationship determines whether or not they're happy. But if they're not happy, then the relationship must be a bad one."

I think this comes from people seeing symptoms and not root causes.

A lot like anchient civilizations blaming thunder on an angry god, I think that people blame feelings, emotions, success, status and many other things on relationships good and bad.

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Grr... said...

No freaking comment...

5:48 PM  
Anonymous Who? Me? Maple Leaf said...

No freaking comment, eh?
Have fun figuring out who sent that.

:: whistles::

7:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nicely written. I just want to know one more thing, when you ll find your perfect mate i.e. If someone loves you then how it will differ for an introvert like you and extroverts, what is your expectation? What is imagination of your ideal mate.

9:14 AM  

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