Thursday, December 28, 2006

So i'm trying to see if this works well. Using my cell to blog. Testing! 1 2 3!

Brought to you by, Cingular Wireless Messaging

So... I don't know that I'll much IM people anymore. Well, I probably will, just because I'm... like that, I guess.


Things are odd.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Blogger, those ! Here they have "oh switch to the new blogger" every time I log in... and now, when I WANT to... it's nowhere to be found. Nor can I use my new blogger (read google account) to import my blog.

Son of a bleep monkey!


Saturday, December 16, 2006

Once upon a time I always had to wonder about things - and then I decided I wouldn't worry or wonder, but I'd just go out and do...

and it got me in terrible pain and it sucked.


Well, later,

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Oh my heck. My moustache tastes delicious!

So... Johnny Cash - Hurt is an awesome song, again, just so you know. Right now I'm listening to the Plain White T's.

And soon I will be hanging out with my friend L. That's an abbreviation, for privacy reasons. Of course I could call her Sarah and no one would know the difference. But hey, who cares?

My mom made these things that taste really really good with cream cheese. I think I may have to kill myself they were so good.

Or not.

I like music. w00t!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

So two of the coolest songs I know of right now are these; Jonny Cash - I Won't Back Down, and Johnny Cash - Hurt.

Pretty cool songs, IMHO.

I learned them on the guitar, they're pretty easy, now I just need to memorize them.

I heard a rumor that Trent Reznor was asked what he thought about Johnny Cash covering his song and he basically said "When people ask me that I lie and tell them he wrote the song because he did it so much better." Whether or not it's true, I don't know...

but it sure does sound good to me ^_^


So... Blogger has this thing where you can convert your blog to the new settings, but I'm scared because you change it back. I don't like new things mostly. It generally scares the hooha out of me.

I went on a friend date last night to go see Barnyard... it was pretty cute. Pretty funny too. At least I was laughing ^_^

The odd thing was the boy cows had udders...

today I get to sub, yay.

Well, good... morning ~_^


Sunday, December 10, 2006

So something that never crossed my mind, but did now...

I never thought that she might be as... new to this stuff as I am.

*shrugs* maybe that's it and she's doing the best she can. Fancy that.

Well, later,

So I want to ask...

do you want me? Or do you want me to go leave and find some other girl?

Or would you rather I just found someone else for a while and then came back later?

But even if she told me to leave I don't think I could do that. Because that would mean that I'm just like all those "others" of hers that said they'd love her forever, and now where are they? Gone.

I know it's retarded, but I really can't do /anything/... I mean I think about it, I turn it over in my mind, and I see failure. Every option is failure.

I want to scream and yell it!

But it wouldn't help. And it would just be losing more control over myself. But I really want to yell that because I'm frustrated, and all my efforts are in vain, because if I'm not lying to myself, then I'm betraying her. Or if I'm lucky I'm doing BOTH. Hence, I want to yell.

And what sucks is no matter how I put it or tell her like this... she won't change her mind.

And me... I'm stuck here, full of rage and pain and confusion.

And hurt. Lots and lots of hurt. I can only say, really, God it hurts! It's the only way to convey exactly how I feel. It's on a slightly baser level than normal, and I just don't know about life any more.


Friday, December 08, 2006

Why did I trust her?

Seriously. I'm pretty sure she promised she wouldn't leave.

Maybe she didn't.

It sucks anyways.

So I guess I'm going crazy? It seems that everyone I care about is either going to die or leave me.

I don't know what to do. Or to not do.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

So I realized today...

most of our entertainment is nothing but reruns.

I was watching Walker, Texas Ranger, and I realized this. It was an episode where he was reading about this old texas ranger, from his journal.

So it was basically an old western show, and I realized that the plot was completely the same, and everything was pretty much exactly the same... the only difference was in this one Walker (the old west version) had to keep on drifting.

Pretty sad.

Also, I've gotten interested in book binding. I'm going to try and make some of my own, just blank books... for journals. I think it should be fun!

Well, anyways, later,


Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Have you ever lost a little (or big) part of you?

You had something... and you were secure because it would always be there. And then one day...

it's gone.

Not a... gone so far you can never find it again, but a gone somewhere, you know where it is, the only problem is, it's too far to go get. And not just that, but to get it back, you would have to convince someone to give it back to you?

You took it for granted just a little bit. I mean, you worked for it, and tried to keep it... but you forgot what it's like without it. And now, you don't have it again. And really, no matter what you do, you can't get it back. Because there was a person in your life... and that person took this part of you.

And they left.

And they really don't seem like they have much of an interest in returning.

I suppose that's the problem with reading these things is when people are either as muddy or as clear as I am, they tend to confuse people or upset them. Or get them confused about why they're upset, or upset about why they're confused. Or any other number of combinations.

I guess basically what I'm saying is that it's pretty much your own fault. But I still like people to read.







So I've done everything I know how to do. And still I've failed. For now? I don't know.

I had a dream last night. It was kind of odd. For some reason we went on a family vacation... we flew and took our car with us to california. And we visited this huge Microsoft complex deal. Actually the zoo was first the M$ place was just... part of it? Anyways, we were going to take this tour, see? But the employee's had this weird habit of like... staring at the wall instead of the people who toured. Except for the tour guide. But I saw a few girls walking around but they'd look intently at the wall they were walking along. Except for the tour guide. She came over, and I don't remember what comment was made, but she fell over laughing... literally, she fell on the ground she was laughing so hard, which made me laugh, of course. Appearantly she had some type of disease where she would laugh so hard she'd fall on the ground. I thought it was a rather terrific disease myself. Well, I helped her up, and I guess we went on our tour, but I don't remember that.

So after our tour went along, for some reason it was kinda like a Cingular HQ, in that everyone had a little cingular man on their shirt. But there was a food court, yum! And we ate some food. It was really good, some of it was like tex mex or whatever, I was having some chips & salsa but I really wanted some of the taco soup. And this old guy across the table, I don't know who he was, kept knocking this cup of water over, but it never ran out of water. And then when I was eating I kept on knocking it over myself. 4 times, precisely. I know because I told the guy next to me, I don't know who he was, but I knew he was a friend. Well, the food court we were there for a while, but there was like this Cingular sponsored tram type thing - like a subway but a little smaller. It was white, with the Cingular man splotched on it.

Well, we got on and I don't know where we went, but for some reason (this is how I know we were in Cali) we were going to the airport, but I was running - barefoot - down the interstate, and I was going onto the bay bridge. I had a backpack on, I think. But then I also saw my waist pouch. Well, I'm running, and there's this weird deal that normally your car would fit under, but as I'm running 65 mph (but I didn't feel like I was going that fast) and I'm taller, I felt the need to jump it, so I did, but it was kinda slick on the other side, but then I caught my grip because it roughed up... but then it started getting really rough and for some reason turned into... ah what do they call it - tidal zone? The part where all the tide pools are? Anyways, yeah, there.

So I kinda... sloshed my way through this, and I didn't even have time to put on my shoes, though I wanted to... and then I saw my mom in her car... but they started leaving without me! I figured they were just turning around, though... and next thing I knew we were at the airport. I don't think I was picked up, and I don't know how we got there.

Anyways, so we were at the airport, and that tour guide girl (who I don't know from eve) is somehow there... and she like, grabs me in a hug and kinda tickle from behind (I can see her in the window at our gate, it was night time), and I reach back and tickle her, and she just squeezes me tightly. It felt nice to be held. I can't remember if there was anything else, but I remember her asking "Well do you have a girlfriend or anything?" and I said, "Meh! I don't know!" "What's that mean?" "Well, she considers herself single now. So I don't know." and she held me for a minute or two, and then I woke up. Interestingly enough, she just happened to be about 5'5". Probably around 145 LBS. But she had blonde hair and she was rather slight of frame.

All in all it was a really weird dream. Oh, and a few details I missed - there was a short packing scene, where I had to pack because my mom's flight left early, and a part as I was running just before it turned into the tidal zone area/swampy marsh, there was some glass, and I didn't cut my foot on it, but I like... cut off some calouses. It was a broken bottle.

Well, I don't know if there is any accurate interpretation of that dream, but I could probably think of one that sounded good.

Anyways. Just one more thing in the annals of my life.

Life. Love. Lose.

It happens.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

No matter what I do
There's no pleasing you.

No matter how I try,
I feel like I should die.

I try to work hard,
but from your life I am barred.

I try to be gentle
but I feel detrimental.

You don't accept me
being me.

You don't forgive me
for being me.

Especially when I try.
Please, please don't say goodbye.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Three doors down is good music for me right now.

Why? Why do I have to be like this?

Why do I push you away?

Why have I been laying here in bed for an hour, sleepless, thinking about you?

Why can't we just have what we've had before?

Why does it have to be so hard?

A thousand questions like these run through my mind, but there are no answers, just more questions.

Why? Why? WHY?!

"I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams".

Death would not even quench the pain.

Friday, December 01, 2006

So I just finished watching King Kong. It was a pretty good movie, I suppose... I wasn't terribly amazed by it, but at least now I can say I've seen it.

In other news, there is no other news. Well... not really. None that needs to be shared anyways ^_^

I like guitars.