Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Spotty Face...

So, my face is nice and spotty now. Oooh, and that reminds me that I need to make a footstool brochure.

Well, the spotty face didn't.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Protecting Our Interests?

That's highly unlikely.

The CANSPAM act is exactly that - it allows for spam. All it requires is that an unsubscribe link be posted in an e-mail. It doesn't require that it will have to unsubscribe you, or not subscribe you to another list. Oh no, not at all.

So instead of passing legislation that does something good, they simply legalized spam.

It was really a poor law.

Instead, they need to make a requirement, or allow the market to shift. See, one thing I've noticed, especially lately with the internet where a lot more grassroots organizations are able to spring up, is that the market can shift pretty quickly. What we need is a market shift, and if anything, the law needs to reflect said shift. This is how it should work - for personal e-mail that don't advertise anything, you don't have to register with any type of service. For any type of commercial or mass mailing you are required to register your address. Something along the lines of verisign or something - ya know, the ones who make sure your credit card info stays between you and your merchant? Well they would verify commercial/mass e-mail providers to make sure they're legitimate. Those people must be identifiable. Well, unless it's some sort of anonymous type people - the conspiracy theorists. But then again, they'd have ways to get around it anyway.

So these commercial e-mails would have to pass a verification to be sent. The sender would set up a schedule - once a week on Mondays, or once a month on the first Thursday. Something to that effect.

Of course some people are horrid with deadlines and what not or a random occurrence happens where they need to send out an e-mail outside their usual time frame. Well here's how you can take care of that: For people who know that they're horrid about scheduling, you could have perhaps one day either forward or back (or both) leeway. For the random occasion that they need to send an e-mail on an off day, they have ONE extra e-mail a month (I've rarely seen even so high as that). When they send an e-mail, it asks if they really want to send it on an off day. If they say yes, it really sends it. Let's say though, perhaps they want to send another e-mail. Well, what they then do is this: A confirmation e-mail is sent back to them with a random key that was generated. Then they have a phone number (possibly 1-800? or even something on Skype perhaps) to call. When they call the number they provide THEIR personal identity - much like when you call a bank - and then provide the random key they received. They then have to confirm again that they wanted to and meant to send the e-mail. They could, perhaps, have a limit of three extraneous e-mails per month, and if they need any more than that... well, I don't foresee any time they would need to do that.

Hmmm... now that I think about this... and the more I do...

I think I may just start a company that does this very thing.

And if you see it somewhere else, remember you saw it here first!

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Sunday, July 29, 2007


All my troubles seemed so far away... oh wait.

When I refer to yesterday, I either mean yesterday, or the last time I wrote in here. Or both as the case may be.

So yesterday, I talked about the what, today I'll talk about the why.

If you've been keeping up, you know how I feel about physical relationships before marriage, and now I'll go into the why. There's really a lot of background info so I'll do my best to explain what needs explaining.

We learn from the scriptures that the LORD God felt it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), and a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife (Genesis 2:24).

According to the 1913 Webster's dictionary, cleave means "to adhere closely; to stick; to hold fast; to cling." And they should be one flesh.

Now... I could go on and on throughout various scriptures that explain it, but there are basically two purposes for the physical relationships between a man and woman. One is to procreate - make babies, whatever you want to call it. Again in the 1913 Webster's, replenish is "2. To finish; to complete; to perfect." Well, you may be curious - why would God give that command to Adam - to finish, complete, or perfect the earth, and how does that mean have kids?

For that you have to know the purpose of God. The easiest place I can refer you to is Moses 1:39 where he says, "Behold, this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." And John 19:30 we read that "[Jesus] said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost." What was finished? The work his father had given him to do. Which was to be an example, the authour and finisher of our faith, to show us the way that we may gain immortality and eternal life.

So what the heck does that have to do with having kids? Well, we had to have a place that we could walk by faith, not by sight, that we could obey the commandments of God. We were able to come to this earth and learn what we need to know and do. Ehh... there's a whole ton of things I'd have to go through to really explain in depth. So you can either take in on faith that I have some idea of what I'm talking about, or you can leave a comment that you'd like some explanation on some certain point.

Well, procreation is to complete the purposes of God, to bring all of His children to the earth.

The other purpose of those relations is one of the names it's called by - making love. As a husband and wife express their emotions towards one another in that way, it can increase their love for each other... there are plenty of reasons for that, too, but I don't have time for that, if you'd like further explanation - leave a comment!

So... I've been kinda hampered by my time constraints and pure laziness, but I hope this was of some education to you.

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment and I'll explain as best I can.

Now you know why.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Pain Pain Pain....

So... it turns out that I'm burnt WAY worse than I thought was humanly possible. Awesome. Oh wait, no, sucks bad. My shoulders and face are freaking radishes. I wish I would've worn my shirt... sucksitude.

Last night I woke up about a billion times, not so much in pain, although I was hungry as nobodies business. During that time, I came up with somewhat of a realization... Or rather, a topic I could write about. And so, without further ado, I give you...

Discourse on Physical Contact

Someone once told me that it's better to engage in some intimate contact before marriage, up to a point. Her reasoning was that it's better to expose yourself, so that you're better able to resist engaging in further intimate actions when you get older. In the words of Dr. Goddard, there's only one thing wrong with that. It's completely false.

Now, you may want to argue that point and say, "Oh no, that's totally true - see, I make out with people all the time, and because of that, if I don't want to make out with someone I don't have to. And I also draw the line at anything more than that, so there's really never a problem."

That sure would be nice if it's true, but it's not. To give you sort of an example - Let's say you're climbing a mountain, and you come across a ledge that's about four feet wide. On the left side is a sheer cliff, climbing hundreds of feet. On the right is a drop off that drops down 100 feet or more. Where is the safest spot to be?

Well, let's label these areas, shall we? At the leftmost, basically sidling along the wall, that's complete sexual/physical abstinence. The dropping off the cliff would really depend on what view you take of physical relations. But for my intents and purposes, I'll say it's going all the way. Hanging off the cliff with only two fingers would be heavy petting, or as they seem to call it now "manual stimulation". Regardless.

Making out is walking along about six inches from the edge. If you're cuddling with your feet off the ground, that's about a foot from the edge. With your feet on the ground is a foot and a half. If you only hug and kiss like you would a father/brother/sister/mother, then that's walking about six inches away from the wall. If you hold hands and hug, that's about a foot and a half away.

That was quite the jumble, so lets take this in a nice list form.

  • Sidling along the wall is no physical contact other than perhaps the occasional hug and handshakes

  • Three and a half feet from the edge is hugs/kisses like you would mother/father/sister/brother

  • Three feet is holding hands and hugging in addition to the above.

  • Between Three and two feet adds kissing with your lips closed, but not in a mother/father/brother/sister type way to the above, depending on duration, etc.

  • One and a half feet from the edge includes cuddling with your feet on the floor

  • One foot away is taking your feet off the ground, but still sitting up

  • Six inches from the edge is making out in addition to the above

  • Walking along the edge with your feet half off is cuddling lying down, in addition to the above

  • Hanging off by one or two fingers is petting, in addition to the above

  • Falling off is anything more than the above

So that's the list. Now, you can't tell me that you're less likely to fall off the cliff if you're walking along the edge, than if you were three feet away from it.

At least not retaining respect in my eyes. It's rather a nonsensical idea. If you want to be safe, you stay away from the cliff, you don't walk close by. The same thing is with physical relations - you don't stay safe by doing MORE things, you stay safe by doing less. How do I know this? Experience.

Now before I tell you about what a good teacher experience is, I will tell you of a possibility. There may be some people for whom these rules are altered. Some may be worse, some may be less. But as a rule of thumb, those are pretty much the guidelines. Actually I don't know of anyone who is really excused from those, and I really do think they're rather conservative.

So experience. Before I was 16, I had never kissed a girl at all. When I first kissed a girl, I had broken the barrier, so to speak. I had kissed before, I could do it again. And ultimately would. But they were fairly innocent and rather chaste kisses. A quick peck on the lips, as it were. Later, I kissed another girl on the cheek. With each kiss it was easier and easier. But I really didn't do more than that. One girl I cuddled with, once or twice... but that was really it.

Now, I don't know if it's different to you, but I'd like to think this is more or less the right way to express affection physically - specifically, when you can no longer tell her (or him) in words, just how much you love them. And so you resort to a kiss. A much more base expression of love, but when expressed in that way, a much higher form. But in that way it's also more sacred.

Well, this girl I thought I was going to marry - I loved her (at least I think I did... love is such a weird concept anyways). A lot. And I desired her as well, and I expressed that in a kiss... and then another, and then a few more. And later, before she had to leave, the kisses I gave evolved into some full fledged snogging. I tried to express how I felt for her in that way. I really don't know if she felt it (since she dumped me later on, I know she obviously didn't feel the same way I did).

Well, that was great and all, except for one thing. Now I feel the desire to play tonsil hockey. I really don't have a desire to feel the way I felt with her, I just want the physical sensations.

That's really my one regret in that relationship, is that I kissed her.

Because now that desire is awake, and it wants to be fed. I do my best to keep from feeding said desire, because I know that all that will happen is I'll go one step closer to the edge. Or a giant leap. And I don't really want that. So I keep busy with school, work, and expanding my base of knowledge. And trying to become more compassionate. That's one thing that I've noticed as well. When I succumb to those desires in a manner that really probably isn't appropriate (such as making out before I'm married), then the baser desires and egocentric actions are brought to the forefront, and the ectocentric desires are repulsed.

And it's been a learning experience that I really didn't want and has been rather lame. I wish with all my heart that I never kissed her. But I have, and there's nothing I can do to go back and change that. So I have to live with the consequences and try to regain those good bits that I've had in the past.

But you know what the worst thing is? Intellectually, this guide makes sense. And I remember when I felt how right and good it was. But now... I'm really confused. I don't know it any more. People, even those I respect, seem to have different ideals than I do. Which, needless to say, confuses the heck out of me.

I don't really know what to think about that kinda stuff anymore, so I really just try to... well, keep to myself, really. I haven't really tried to hang out with friends, or meet new people, or develop relationships, or anything.

It also used to be that I had what you could call a "default-allow" policy. I would allow people (girls) deep into my life and emotions. I would trust them until they gave me reason not to. But now I've changed to a "default-deny" policy. I keep people out. I'm suspicious of every girl (yes, you included. Sorry to say it, but it's true. Okay, that's a lie, I'm really not sorry at all, I'd rather be safe. I'm sorry if you feel bad because of that, but more in a third-person-no-responsibility-claimed sort of way.)

It seems that I start every day suspicious. For the most part. Or preparing for the worst or whatever. I mean I kinda trust you... but rather than believe the very best, I tend to be a little more suspicious, I think. Like I said, default deny. All because of a kiss.

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Oh So Tired...

So today we went to the Heber City Historic Railroad. It was pretty fun. We rode the train for an hour and a half. Then we went to the Deer Creek Lake.

That was also fun. I played in the mud, w00t! It was a lotta fun. Yeah, I played with some of my young cousins... we turned into mud people. Like... it was great - we covered ourselves in mud, Then we ran into the water and washed off. Then we did it again. It was loads of fun ^_^

But I did get a little burnt.

I wanted to write something that used my brain, but my braineth hath been friedteh.

Maybe tomorrow...

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Weird Dreams of Many Things

So I had this incredibly weird dream last night. I was a wizard, a la Harry Potter, actually, I had his wand... and for some reason Hagrid, and some girl were trying to capture me and some other girl. Well, I can't remember what we did, but we escaped and got to this hideaway. Turns out it was part of this mansion that they were staying at with a whole bunch of other people. This girl that I thought at first was Hermoine, but wasn't, was pretty much trying to kill me or keep me prisoner or something. Well somehow she got my wand, but then I went into this room and the Malfoys and Bellatrix Lestrange were there, but this girl had taken all their wands. Well they made the unbreakable vow that they would love me and protect me forever (weird, huh?) so I'd give them their wands back. I defeated this girl and got my gold back. It was a really really really strange dream last night.


Well, the first day of our family reunion went fairly well... A little (and when I say a little) I mean a lot rushed and really crazy and what-not. We went to a planatarium here and watched "Extreme Planets"!!11one@!!!2!1!!

It was fairly decent, I learned a few things about how you can find planets without seeing them. It was pretty cool. Also, I believe that the oxygen wavelength is 435nm. I'm really curious if you could make an oxygen laser. That would be rather crazy, methinks. But it would be an oxygen laser! Sweet!

Some other random stuff. We ate at Applebee's and that was pretty good but they don't have the Applebee's burger anymore - a half pound of burgery goodness. Sad, I know.

After that we went to Target and got some water and then went to my Aunt Wilma's house (we're staying at a neighbors - two doors down) where we hung out with some cousins. I stayed up till about 10 MST reminiscing about mission things and whatnots with my cousin.

Then I came "home", called B and talked to her till we fell asleep. Then I had that really weird dream. Then I woke up and took a shower - this shower is so cool! It has two faucets! That's right, two! Isn't that awesome?I thought so anyway.

So I took my shower and then I got on my lappy and started writing this. Do you know what's really weird. This house has no wireless internet, and no high speed internet. Dial-up is it. If it even has internet. Isn't that weird? I thought so anyway. So hopefully my uncle's house has wireless, or at least somewhere I can plug my lappy in and get on his network. Because seriously - no internet? I mean, how FUBAR(Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition) is that?

Well... here's hoping. Also, food time happens in about 10 minutes, so I'm gonna go over and see if there's some 'net access so I can check my e-mail and what-nots.

Well, that's all for now.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Family Reunion!

To the tune of Waltzing Matilda:

Family Reunion,
Family Reunion,
who'll come to a family reunion with me?
We'll eat and we'll play, and we'll chatter till the sun goes down,
Who'll come to a family reunion with me?


Heh... I just wrote that right now for kicks and giggles. I could probably re-write a few verses as well... but eh, woooh whatever works ^_^

So, if you couldn't guess, a family reunion will be happening rather soon in my life. Specifically - tomorrow! w00t! We'll be leaving at 5:30 AM, hoppin on a plane (after who-knows-how-long through airport security blah blah blah... sandals are best!), and then doin some stuff in the afternoon. Mmmm, jet lag anyone?

Oooh, that reminds me I need to check the status on some holds I have at the library... ahhh... sad. New Moon was in transit, but I had to cancel. That's the /second/ book by Stephanie Meyer. Ah well, I'll just request it like two days before I get home.

I really look forward to her companion novel, though - the one written from Edwards perspective... ahhh, it's gonna be amazing!

I enjoy those kinds of books quite a bit. As a matter of fact, I'm currently reading a book by David Eddings, called "Pogara the Sorceress". It's a... later written prequel to the Belgariad series that I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I really don't feel like hunting down and linking to.

I will, of course, have my laptop there, and I will probably be able to check mail at least once a day.

hmmm... 23 more minutes here and then I can head home, but swing by this gals house to pick up a bike for my little bro that I'm getting freecycled... they said all it needs is some new tubes, but that will be determined when I get the thing (sometimes people have kinda a poor idea of what a bike really needs. For those of you who would like to know more about how their bike works, check out Zinn and the Art of Mountain Bike Maintenance. It's an excellent book, and a great and rather entertaining read.

Well, I hope I was someone of an entertaining (or at least informative) read today...

stay tuned for more updates!

Monday, July 23, 2007

In the Intersection

You may wonder at the title. Well, this is Inside my mind, and the intersection just happens to be where all the thoughts collide. Or several and what-not.


I read the 7th Harry Potter book yesterday and holy cow! So good... I'm glad Harry isn't such a whiny bum anymore. The last few books he was all "Whine whine! I'm such a poor boy, nobody cares about me and Voldemort wants to kill me, but I don't want to learn to defend myself, whine whine whine!"

But in this book he grows up. I'm glad.


In other news, I realized... well, re-realized? I don't know. Well, also I'm still just puzzling things out... but basically - the girls that I've been attracted to in times past have certain problems in their relationship with me, namely (in no particular order) these:

1)The guys they get interested in are jerks of the highest order. Manipulative, self-serving, womanizing... well just kinda scum.

2)I'm no better than these cads except for one way - I try to reign in said scummy behavior. It doesn't always work and sometimes I'm a jerk. But foremost in my mind is one desire which I like to think is above most other guys I've met. Well it's sort of a dual desire, companions if you will.

3)The me part is first: I have a desire to be the most important (after God, of course) person in their lives. I want to be their best friend ever. That's not to say I want to replace other friends they have and exclude them from their lives... but in a certain respect, I do. Ohhhh, yes, there's that... um I guess it'll be four or five. I'll mention it by saying "This is the 'that' that I was talking about in three." But the me part wants to be most important and wanted in their life. I think a lot of that has to do with (sympathy vote here) not having any REAL friends. I mean I have friends and people I'm friendly with, but I've never really had anyone who's been a friend to me for any great length of time. Five years, tops, I believe. I've known a lot of people for longer than that, but there's no one I could consider a friend who's been there for that long. And the people I'm "friends" with, I'm only... shall we say - conditional friends. Specifically, under certain conditions do our society entwine. Like for instance - there are plenty of people I can interact with in a friendly sort of way online, or at work, or at school, or watching TV/movies...

But I don't have someone who wants to do everything together, i.e. watch some movies together, then the next day go play in the woods shooting bb/pellet/real guns, then the next day make something, like a birdhouse or something, then the next day debate some random point, and then the next we cook some food.

Also that person inspires me to be the best Me I can be.

But I don't have anyone like that, and I wish I did. Dang this one was long.

4) I'm not looking for a casual relationship, like most guys. I don't begin a relationship with a girl because I think it'd be fun or I want some physical lovin'. See, I know what the whole (okay, I don't know 100%, of everything, but I'm pretty sure I have a good grasp) point of relationships are.

Random interjection - I only have hair on my 2nd knuckle on my ring fingers. Weird.

But back on track, I really don't know what the heck the majority of guys & dolls think a relationship is for. I guess they feel some type of hole inside them and believe that perhaps a relationship is a way to fix it. And then they get all touchy-feely, because they find that being "together" doesn't plug the hole for long. Well the little touchy-feely they get into doesn't fill that hole either. So they begin to try more and more to plug up that hole. But the problem is they don't know what it is they're doing, and they get into trouble, because pretty soon they feel that something is amiss and they don't know what went wrong. So maybe this relationship isn't working out because gosh darn it, that hole didn't stay plugged! So there must be something wrong with you, so I'm gonna go find someone else, thank-you-very-much.

Surprise surprise, that guy (or girl) doesn't win either.

So let's examine where we are, shall we?

We're "going out". Now we're making out. Now we have a falling out. And now we're doing it all over again. Hmm... sounds pretty stupid to me. It didn't work the first time, rather than change the actions, we did the same thing trying for different results.

I can't tell you what a stupid idea that one is.

5) This is the "that" that I was talking about in three. It's a lot like four, but it describes what I'm looking for instead of what I ain't.

A cup of water right now... but that will change in a minute. Mmm, much better!

So here's the low down. When I first meet a girl, of course I notice if she's physically attractive to me. When I say that, what do I mean? Face first, especially the smile. That's pretty much how I judge character is by their face and their smile. You'd be surprised at what you can learn about someone by their smile. You can tell pretty much every emotion by their smile. Are they happy? Are they kind? Are they sick and twisted? Are they gentle? Are they angry? Are they stupid? Are they manipulative? And more, if you just know how to read a smile. The eyes, too.

But sometimes they can hide who they are behind what they think they are. So I don't give right up on them. Then I start to talk to them. I've noticed lately... girls don't talk anymore. I don't know if it's their ages, or maybe I've gotten older and scary, or perhaps I've stopped being so compassionate and that shows in my face. But I really hate talking about myself because I'm so awkward at it.

I love that word. Awkward. It just looks so awkward!

But back to me. I found I tend to ramble on because when girls ask, "So what do you like to do?" And I say, "Everything." They respond with an awkward silence. They used to actually talk, but it's been a while, and I'm not sure why. It seems to me like such an effort to get people to talk about themselves...

But when it seems that they have an interesting personality (I haven't found any of those lately either...), I want to get to know them better, so I like to DO things. Like play a game or watch a movie or dance or sing or ANYTHING. To talk about who we are and where we're going. Read together. Make and eat food.

And then when I feel that I know her well enough, and we've talked about things like that before, I very well likely would ask her to marry me.


Not so random thought, but I'm just curious if there are any girls out there, between the ages of 18-30 who didn't want (not to say there was no physical desire, but their will overcame said desires. I've had the desire to put a grenade in someone's mouth, but I doubt that means it's appropriate...) to kiss, and didn't kiss before they were married.

That is my one real regret about my last relationship. That I kissed her. Oh, it was fun enough - and she said she enjoyed it... eh... why bother trying to explain it? I don't think anyone I've ever talked to has understood, or even wanted to. They simply wanted to justify their own tonsil hockey.


There's another view I have about the physical side to a relationship. Once you're married, that's a different ball game. But to me, prior to marriage, physical contact should be kept to a certain arena, namely holding hands, hugging, and possibly some cuddling thrown in for good measure. But really, that's where I had, and again do draw the line. Of course, for me it's really academic at this point, because I really don't have anyone who's developed to the point where I'd have a desire to even date them.

AHhhh... there we go, now I'm gonna get started on THAT crap.

I hate, with a passion, the term and idea behind "going out". I've hated it since I heard of it, and it's never made sense to me. Most people I've met who "go out", have never been on one single date! And I've known people who have "gone out" for months without actually dating! GAH! Stupid stupid stupid stupid!

That's like trying to build a car with a screwdriver! Look, I can barely form a coherent thought because I upset myself with this junk so much.

These are my views:

The point of dating is to get married, the point of getting married is to have and raise children. The point of physical expressions of love (kissing, etc) is because when expressed in the proper way (after you're married for one!) then it is the ultimate expression of pure love their is.

But just like anything - the greater capacity for good, the greater capacity for bad. If you misuse those forms of communication it can lead to all sorts of unwholesomeness. Which is why I prefer to keep the physical stuff to a minimum.

But seriously - I can't say "would you like to go on a date with me this friday?" "What do you have in mind?" "Well, I'd pick you up at 6PM, and we'll go climb pinnacle mountain with a picnic dinner, and at the top we'll eat, talk, and watch the sun go down, and I'll have you home by 10:30PM. How's that sound?" "Great! I love to hike! I'll see you at 6!" "Awesome, I'll see you then! Remember to bring some water!"

And there you go... we'd probably have some fun, and certainly some good food (after all, I made it!) and see a beautiful sunset. But noooooo. All you can do nowadays is "go out". What kind of ridiculous tripe is that? It's really just an excuse to make out, I'm pretty sure... ehhh... whatever. I'm tired of harping about that junk.

Also, religious beliefs are extremely important in a relationship... and so it's a great idea to make sure (you know, when you're dating, or really going out, not just "going out") that you have an agreement on that, because your relationship with your God should be more important than with your spouse.

Why do I say that? Because IMHO, any good religion, their god will tell you that getting married is a great idea, and tells us rather lazy guys how we ought to treat our women, and that we should treat them really well.

Well... I suppose I'm done rambling by now. Though as it looks to me this has been a little more like a random hike across the countryside than a little ramble!

Oh yeah, and personally I also don't feel like I'm ready for marriage yet. I was, once upon a time. But I'm not right now. I have school to get through, and money to earn before I'm even financially in a place where I could even get married - even to rent a teeny shack in someone's back yard would be kinda a problem ATM...

To life!

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

To whom it may concern,

I know you, but I don't know who you are.

You are a wonderful, amazing, beautiful girl. Quite possibly the closest thing to perfection that mortality can contain. Oh yes - I know you don't think you are, but really, you are. You have such a beautiful smile, I just love to watch you smile. And that smile is always quick to cross your face, and it's contagious, too. Whenever you smile at me, I can't help but to grin, it even brightens my worst moods.

I'm not sure how tall you are, or what your body type is, but it's not that important. It's not important because we just "fit" together. Your arms fit just right around me, and mine fit just right around you. And that's probably my favourite place in the world to be. In your arms.

That's mostly it for looks, but you have quite the personality! I haven't discovered everything about you, but I know a few things. First off, you're absolutely impossible! You're stubborn, bullheaded, and if you want it, you're probably gonna get it. And even though I pretend to be frustrated, in secret, it really makes me feel good. It feels good when I have a driving force in my life, and you drive me... hehe, you drive me crazy, you drive me to love you, you'll even drive me the the hardware store. Secretly (or maybe not-so-secretly) you love that smell, too.

You're not at all afraid to try new things, and usually you drag me along with you. Even though I drag my feet and complain, I really do want to be there. Mainly because you are. I just love to be around you... when you're sad, my heart feels like it will break. When you're angry, I want to tear the world to pieces. When you're happy, I can't help but to laugh. And when you have joy, my heart just wants to burst!

I even love to argue with you - because it's really a lot of fun. You're one of the only people I met who really know how to argue. You know that the argument is never about the person - not me, not you, not anyone. It's only about the action or inaction or whatever it is. You never call me names, or tell me I'm stupid (but you'll tell me when I'm acting stupid! And I need it, and once I soothe my bruised ego, I love you for it). And you never ever ever bring up something that I did in the past, even a day before. That night, before we go to bed, if I have done anything to hurt you (and yes, I probably will, not because I don't love you, but because honestly I'm often an insensitive clod. I am really sorry I did something, but if I don't know your mind, I can't fix what I done dumb) you'll tell me what it was. If you even let it get that far.

You know that you have a great power over me, but you also know that with great power comes great responsibility. And that reference made you smile, at least. Nevertheless, it's a true statement. You can, with careful planning, make me do anything you want. But your goal is for me to be the very best boyfriend then husband, eventually father, employee, employer, and all around person that I can be. Which isn't to say you want to change me at all. I have that potential inside of me and you see that potential. That's why you even have anything to do with me... oh that and I do make you laugh - your sense of humour is about as twisted as mine. We'll hear something, look at each other, and burst out laughing. Such a delight! But yes, you see my potential, and you nurture and grow that. You help me become the man (or overgrown child that can pretend he's a big boy... I can't help it, I like my toys!) I am inside - not the... well I suppose man is what they'd say. Not the man that people (or even your mother) think I should be.

You have a fierce independence as well. But you still like to hang around me - not because you depend on me (well you do, but not because you HAVE to have me, you could make it on your own... but it sure is nice to have a goof ball around the house), but because I make you smile and feel loved, and you really just like to be around me almost as much, if not more, as I love to be around you. But you won't let anyone tell you what to do. If it's something that you desire, you'll do it regardless, but just because someone says, "Hey you have to do this." you don't just up and do it. You do it if you want to, even if it's unpopular, even if I can't understand your reasons. But I'll always support you, even if I think you're crazy. Heck, that's half (or more?) of why I like you so much :).

You also defend me, even if you know I'm being a complete dink and a half. It's also perfectly possible for you to defend me to other people - your parents, siblings, my parents, siblings - and then when we get home or in private, take me to town over what you know I've been slacking in. And I love you for that, as well.

I don't remember if I mentioned it, but you love to learn new things! Especially when we're learning them together. You understand that I'm not huge on talking about myself, but you have the ability to get me to anyways. You're just good like that.

Nothing really frightens you, except for losing me, and our children when we have them. Crazy weather, crazy drivers, guns, knives, swords, explosives... You're not afraid of any of them, but you know to treat them with proper respect.

You know you can kick my trash at pretty much anything - you are my better half, after all. But you usually let me win, and I know it and you know that I know it, but we both pretend that neither of us do.

When I jump out and surprise you, you get the most adorable expression when you scream. And then you punch me in the arm. Hard. And then you give me a probably too tight hug, bite me, and tell me to not do that. But you don't really mean it, and I did get you good. And you don't even get too angry when I laugh - because it really really was funny.

You just get me back. And I don't even get to hit you :P

You love music - it's a part of your life, like it's a part of mine. We often sing together, and it really doesn't matter if we sing like tone-deaf little weasels (well, I do sometimes...), we still enjoy the dissonance. If you didn't play piano when we met, you did start to take lessons, and if you're not pretty good by now, you're excellent.

You enjoy the outdoors, and art, and everything. You see life as a grand adventure, and treat it that way. And when I get all bleh, you cheer me up, or give me a swift kick in the rear, whichever is more prudent at the time. Or really, whatever.

I've only talked about a teeny fraction of you, and who you are. I've explained much of what I know about you, but there's still a lot that I know that I haven't covered.

You're just such an amazing person... I'm so lucky to have you. And it's gotta be luck, because it's nothing I did to deserve you... although there was that time I stole some chocolate...

Just kidding! Oh yes, and we tease each other in a very loving way. But that's only so we have an excuse to kiss and make up... hmmm and make out too, rawr!

I'll probably write more about you another time, but I'll let this stand how it is, for now.

I love you, my companion, my adviser, my confidant, my jester, my friend, my lover, my wife, and mother of my children. I'm not sure when you'll be those things, but you will be. And more.

I love you.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Birdman Weapons Systems...

Now who wouldn't want this?

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Sunday, July 15, 2007

Sparks, Steam, and Stupidity.

I watched an anime called Steamboy. It was pretty good, I rather enjoyed it, although it was slightly anti-preachy. Or you might say preachy about science. Whichever.

Available for checkout from the Central Arkansas Library System

Yesterday I changed the spark plugs in my car (Toyota Tercel). Oh my goodness I can't tell you the difference it's made. But I sure will try!

I can accelerate way quicker, and smoother. The engine feels stronger, and the speed a high gear takes to shudder is much lower.

I can't wait for the drive to work tomorrow!

Bleh! So I stayed up till midnight last night. I never ever want to do that again! No, nay never! No nay never no more!

I feel like freaking death incarnate. It sucks hardcore, hence, I'm freaking done with that. D-O-N-E. But making that decision makes me feel a lot better.

frieden ous!

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Some recommended readings for YOOOOOU!

The Belgariad... well that's books 1-3. You can go to the library and look up David Eddings. I highly recommend it... the books are about a kid named Garion, growing up as a young boy on a farm, at the appearance of some unsavoury characters, he finds himself on a journey across the lands, dragged into a world of magic, monsters, and mighty men.

And of course in any fantasy novel there's gotta be some love interest too... woo woo! lol.

But no, seriously it's a good read. As soon as I take them back, the Maumelle library will have them...

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Friday, July 13, 2007

Some pain... Some movies

So... my back still hurts. That's quite lame, I must say. But it doesn't hurt as bad, so that's cool.

Well, tomorrow I'll be involved in the 48hour film project here in Little Rock. It might be fun... we'll see.

But, I'm tired, and sore... so... I'll probably go to sleep soon.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I have...

in the past few days, okay, just yesterday! But what I was goin to say is that I've learned a lot about pain. Lots and lots of pain. Well I suppose I haven't learned that much about it. Just that I had it. And it hurt. Pretty bad.

That's really it.

bleepity bleep bleep I'm sore!



Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Pain... lots and lots of pain.

So... yesterday, now, I think I compressed my spine on the diving board at the pool. It hurt and was sore... but nothing worse than I've had. And then I went to sleep.

And then, about 12-12:30am, I woke up. In pain. Excruciating pain. Pain worse than I have ever had. Pain so bad that it hurt to sit where I was, and it hurt to move. It took me almost 10 or 15 minutes to be able to get out of bed. I couldn't turn on a side without being crippled by waves of pain washing over my body. I was indeed wracked, no matter how I turned. I finally figured that I could bend my legs okay, and so I shuffled down to the foot of my bed, and was able to sit up.

It was not easy and it wasn't very fun. Well, other than the learning new things kind of fun. The rest of my body and mind is telling me that I'm retarded for thinking such blasphemy. Well, I was able to sit and stand, though it took a lot of concentration. Then I was able to shuffle a tote I have in my closet, to reach the one beneath. Why did I need that, you ask? Inspiration struck and I realized I had a back brace (for lifting heavy things at work) and a belt for weight lifting - one of those huge leather jobbies. Well, I got those out and cinched them as tight as tight could be. That held off a lot of the pain, and I was able to sit up and eat some food and walk around.

But I'm completely unable to sleep. I can't lay down, but luckily we have a recliner type couch in the living room. But I can't get to sleep, so I decided I'd come and write about my pain, thinking that I might be tired as I end this.

But sadly, that's really not the case.

I'm in pain.

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Sunday, July 08, 2007

Hello... is anybody out there?

Okay... I'm rather curious... how many people actually read this?

And here's how we'll find out.

See the "comments" deal? If you read this blog, go down and leave a comment. If you feel like being anonymous that's okay... but what I'd like you to do, if you don't want to use your name, just put down something that should make me realize who you are...

Like "I have chickens and I want to learn guitar", or "My mom directs theatre", or "You've known me since forever ago and shooting high caliber firearms inside city limits is a bad idea".

Something like that. If I don't get any comments, I'll know that I can safely slack off and no one will care at all...

But I would like to know if at least people would care a little if I disappeared forever...

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Saturday, July 07, 2007

Sad State of Affairs

It's 1AM. I just woke up. Why is that sad? Not because I woke up - I fell asleep before 8, it really feels good, actually. What's sad is that I woke up and looked over here at my computer. That in and of itself isn't particularly sad either. The sad part is that there were IMs from nobody. Not one single person had left me any type of message. Two years ago, if I had been on AIM and went to bed at 8, I would wake up to at least 3 or 4 messages - probably 6 or 8.

Why is that sad?

Because all those people I had relationships with... I got nothing with them now. That's pretty sad, to me at least.

*le sigh*

Well, I'm gonna go see what I can see...

Thursday, July 05, 2007

The Land of the Free...

WordNet defines a patriot as "one who loves and defends his or her country".

I've realized, during these past few weeks that indeed, I am a patriot. I love both of my countries, Canada and the United States.

I also realize, that sadly, there are some seriously screwed up things with this country, the United States.

That's not why I love my country, though. I love my country for the principles of freedom and equality it was founded upon.

But lately, our society has trended towards censorship, inequality, and those things which - if left unchecked - will lead a country to ruin.

I do not have the skills to put voice to the things that I see around me, how society is crumbling before our very eyes. I also see that people are searching for the right, for the goodness that this country used to possess. But they cannot find it. And they don't know what it is they're looking for.

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Mildly Miffed....

So, if you've ever been on any of the Reuters news feeds, you may have noticed a little box that says something about "Editor's Pick", supposedly the best pictures from the last 24 hours. Well they have some sweet looking pic for the thumbnail... and then it's never in the full size pics!

Dirty so-and-sos! >:(

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Sunday, July 01, 2007

Lost Art

Well, I haven't posted in a while. Why is that? Hmmm... well, it has to do with the fact that no one has bugged me to write. Not one person.

On that note, I tend to find it hard to make friends... I don't make them easily. But when I do make friends, it's pretty much for life. At least on my end of things.

Some people can make friends easily and quickly, but that's really not the case with me. I really don't even like people. I think it comes from working with computers who are predictable, and I understand. People on the other hand, have this nasty habit of a) lying, b) changing their mind.... or c) all of the above.

For those of you who actually know - my last relationship is a perfect example of this. Whether it was lying or she changed her mind, I'm really not sure. But it's really put me off the desire for company in general. Like... I just don't enjoy being around people that much.

But I suppose it's something I aught to get over or something.

Well, that's all for tonight.

This was good, I'll have to do it again sometime