Monday, November 05, 2007

Used and Abused.

So... I have a slight issue, I suppose. A question to pose, if you will. Of a type and sort.

I've noticed that I've had the singular experience of being used by very nearly every girl that I've been in contact with.

Why do I say that (especially since some of them even read this)?

Simple. I am almost always just used for my empathy. When someone is feeling down or depressed, or someone has wronged her, I'm there, as a listening ear. Sometimes I tend to know how she feels, because I've been through a similar circumstance.

So I console her in her grief, and help her understand, and all that good stuff.

Then guess what?

Yep, I'm left to the dogs. Friends? Huh, who needs me, when they have their abusive ex? Who needs me when they have their self hatred? Who needs me when they have masquerade friends? (You know, the kind who all wear masks that says they care, but they really are more worried about their own desires)

It's pretty lame. Also it's very hard for me to trust because of that. Or rather, I trust perfectly fine - I trust that if I offer you a shoulder to cry on, the second whomever hurt you offers his shoulder again, you're on it like white on rice. Or those jerks who make no effort for you...

So where does that put me? Because I'm seriously sick of it all. I suppose I could just go be a hermit in the mountains somewhere. But with my luck I'll probably end out getting eaten by a mountain lion. Actually, no, it wouldn't bother eating me, it would just tear my heart out.

Meh.

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Monday, September 24, 2007

Done With People...

I'm not doing so hot in school right now.

Why? Because one of my teachers sucks a little, one sucks a lot, and one is pretty good. And I try to interact with people.

In the spring semester of college I got a 4.0. Why? Because I didn't have any friends. They were all dead or had moved away. And I had two days a week to do homework and it worked out pretty well.

Now? Insert major suck-fest here, please.

People I care about and try to please. Trying to actually develop relationships.

And honestly? I'm kinda sick of it. I give to people and what do I get in return? I get ignored for guys who are worse jerks than me. Or times that I have homework I have to do, that's when everyone wants to talk. And so I ignore my homework because I'd rather spend time with people I think care about me.

But then when I need someone to care about me?

Mmmm... ignored, mistreated, or really whatever. It's all SORTS of fun, let me tell you... NOT.

So... please leave me so I can be a whiny emo kid and actually get some work done.

kthxbye

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