What Do You Call...

A beautiful human being who has a LOT of potential, but she usually thinks she's not worth much. When she's told how important and beautiful she is, she reacts to these compliments with not gracious acceptance, but sometimes vehement denial, sometimes substituted with "whatever." She is perfectly willing, when she's sad or in any way hurt, to take advantage of the love and compassion shown to her by some male, but unless, and sometimes even when he's really down in the dumps, she will favor the type of male known as "jerkicus maximus", or "abusivus totalaraius". As a matter of fact, she will reject every type of advice, call to action, or plea to get some GOOD specimen, and will instead stay with this type of male. On occasion, she will reject one for the other, or bounce between several different subspecies of these, but she will probably never get a male who treats her right. On occasion she will reject all males in favour of the single life, or even in favor of females, where she will find the exact same treatment she had.

So what do you call this type of person?

Why, the type of girl that I've always loved, of course!

Done With People...

I'm not doing so hot in school right now.

Why? Because one of my teachers sucks a little, one sucks a lot, and one is pretty good. And I try to interact with people.

In the spring semester of college I got a 4.0. Why? Because I didn't have any friends. They were all dead or had moved away. And I had two days a week to do homework and it worked out pretty well.

Now? Insert major suck-fest here, please.

People I care about and try to please. Trying to actually develop relationships.

And honestly? I'm kinda sick of it. I give to people and what do I get in return? I get ignored for guys who are worse jerks than me. Or times that I have homework I have to do, that's when everyone wants to talk. And so I ignore my homework because I'd rather spend time with people I think care about me.

But then when I need someone to care about me?

Mmmm... ignored, mistreated, or really whatever. It's all SORTS of fun, let me tell you... NOT.

So... please leave me so I can be a whiny emo kid and actually get some work done.

kthxbye

Silly Things

The other day I heard of something rather interesting...

A friend of mine who's still in highschool had a boyfriend. Said boyfriend dumps her because he's graduating next year and going to college. Tells girl, "I'll take you back if you graduate early and come to college with me."

Girl now decides she's going to graduate early so she can go to college with him.

Now, before you go to thinking that's terribly sweet of her... Let's stop and think for a minute and decode this transaction. We'll go to the meaning behind the words and actions...

Guy: "Yes, I'm going to withhold love from you. I really don't understand that withholding love is a sign that a) I don't really love you or b) I'm really going to become abusive either in word or deed. Or both."

Girl: "I'm so afraid that no one will love me, after all, I'm terribly worthless and ugly. I'm afraid of being alone, but you say if I jump through hoops for you, I'll be loved by you and I believe that"

Now, you may call me cynical, which may be true, but I prefer (when I'm not married to someone) to expect the worst because I'll only be pleasantly surprised. Sadly this encounter does not surprise me.

Do you think I'm mistaken or just plain wrong? Please leave your comments and suggestions...

Girl Power!

Or something.

Well, now it's the girls turn. Of course the rest of this will have to wait until I get back from Ratatouille. Or rather, I'll be going to see that somewhere in the middle here.

So, I'll begin by presenting the very dumb dumb things that girls do. And then we'll go from there.

The first dumb thing is fishing for compliments. An example:

Girl: I'm sooo ugly/fat/dumb
Boy(sincere): Awww, no you're not, you're beautiful/skinny/smart
G: You're just saying that!
B: No I'm not! You really are!
G: No, I'm just a fat cow nobody loves!
B: You're not fat! (She really isn't)

It goes on longer until the girl has extracted all the compliments she wants or the guy gets sick and tells her she is.

In the end? Either one or both are upset, and it wasn't great at all.

What is the solution? First off - trust us! We do know what we're talking about. And guess what that says to us when you say, "You're just saying that!"

That says, "You're totally lying to me, I can't trust you to tell the truth about what I look like." And girls... that's a bad way to go with a relationship. Most guys should be aware of their girls feelings (unless you hide them. Don't do that.) and we should be complimenting you all over the place. A lot of times we screw up and don't do what we should, and it doesn't hurt to say, "Honey, I'm feeling a little blue right now. Could you tell me about the good you see in me?"

If you try that and the guy is still slacking... well, get another guy. But if you're that direct, most every guy I know will be able to roll out a string of compliments as long as your arm. And they'll feel good and you'll feel good (if you TRUST them!). And you know what the best part of doing that is? If you have a caring guy, he'll begin to learn what signs you show when you need some lovin'.

Here's another fun thing that makes me grind my teeth to my gums.

Girls who say, "I can't!"

I don't think I've ever talked to a girl who told me that in the proper context.

Proper Context:

"Flap your arms and fly to the moon!" - "But I can't!"

"Hold your breath for ten hours!" - "But I can't without dying!"

"Grow a hundred feet tall!" - "I can't! That's not physically possible!"

Get the picture? And now some improper context:

"When a guy is a jerk like that? Yeah, tell him NO!" - "I can't do that! That's mean!"

"Honey, we need to talk..." - "I'm kinda busy right now talking to some friends" - "It's really important. Just ask them to IM you back in 5 minutes." - "I can't do that!"

"Look, all I want is five minutes out of your week! All you have to do is tell your family you'll be back in five and just send me an e-mail, 'I'm thinking of you, this week is crazy busy! I'm well and I'll ttyl!' that's all I need!" - "I can't tell my family that!"
---

Yeah... those were some actual quotes. Possibly slightly adapted... but oh, so very actual. Pretty awesome, huh?

But by awesome, I mean "Dumb as driveway gravel."

Look, if a woman can swim the English-freaking-channel, you most certainly can tell a guy he's a freaking jerk because he only wants to make out with you and doesn't want to do anything that's important to you (i.e. go to church, read whatever scriptures are common to your religion, go on walks, sing, really anything that's important to you). Yeah, if the guy isn't willing to give more than he takes? Time to get rid of him. Don't be stupid, dear.

Here's one thing that pisses me off more than just about any stupid thing girls can do. I mean... I honestly can't stand to be in the company of girls like this because it offends every single one of my sensibilities.

Okay, that guy? He cheated on someone else? That's pretty bad. That guy cheated on you? Yeah, you pretty much shouldn't ever talk to him again. I'm all for repentance and forgiveness, but you don't have to be stupid! It's one thing if he expresses a desire to stay with you and he changes his behaviour. That's right, change. Because I tell you something, if he acts like he did before? If he isn't cheating already, he soon will be. Dump him like a hot tamale and find some guy who actually cares about you.

Seriously, I cannot tell you the phenomenal amount of stupidity that's involved in that kind of action. I mean... they don't want to change? At all? Even worse, they said they'd change and they haven't at all? My goodness woman! You need to get a refund on those brains because they're obviously defective!

Well, I don't know, maybe you're fulfilled when you're treated like an object. When you're not even second - you're last. All of you are last in his life. He's first and foremost. It really makes me sick. On both ends. I hate that guys like that exist, but I hate even more that you girls fall for them. Ugh!

Now... Here's the last thing I have... there may be many more ways that you may be stupid, the only way to not be too stupid is watch and be careful, lest ye become dumb as driveway gravel.

But the last thing... if you don't like something, or you wish we would do something different or better? Let us know! We aren't mind readers. But of course, don't expect us to go ahead and do it. A lot of times we will... or we'll make an effort. If it's something really serious... then yeah, you should hold us to it. Oh, and if you are gonna tell us something - please please please don't do it in front of anyone else.

A simple - "I don't feel like you treat me romantic enough" will suffice. We might change, or we might have a good reason that we do it how we do. And darling, there are some things that it really doesn't matter how it's done. If we fold our undies, or don't, the world won't end. Now, if we're interfering with your undawears, that's something different. But seriously... there are a lot of things that we've done this way forever. Just because your dad/mom/brother/uncle/twelfth cousin once removed/sister did it differently... doesn't mean we should do it that way.

I'm tired and I've probably rambled. Just don't be stupid. Is that really too much to ask? Is it?

I Palindrome I

This is post 383. So I figured the title was fitting, and in my limited try I didn't come up with anything terribly witty involving palindromes and girls.

Oh well.

Now that that's out of the way...

Time for some fun!

Okay... it was time for some fun, I was doing a whole tonne of things that had nothing to do with the blog I intended. Oops. Oh well.

I'll write when I get home. What a punk :P

Boys...

and why they're stupid.

Girls, I hate to burst your collective bubble, but guys are complete dum dum heads. Jerks, dummerkopfs, SO*ahems*... the list could go on for many more words than I care to write.

Now to catalog the ways and reasons guys are stupid. Now, if you get down to it, I believe a lot of what people do stems from a good desire. The problem is, from that desire to action it goes through so many horrible mistranslations that when it finally comes out, instead of "I love you, dear", it comes out "Go soak your head, tramp!"

Well, when you get down to it, I could say there are two types of actions - selfish and selfless.

Guys are mostly selfish, but we get a lot more joy out of life when we're selfless.

Okay, so there was tons of rambling while I tried to get my bearings (largely that's what I do, if you hadn't noticed. You should've seen me writing one of my papers. BLARGH! That was horrid how much I had to throw out!).

So here goes.

I believe that us menfolk have been designed as such that we have a desire to take care of girls, make babies, and raise a family. Now, this is something I've more or less believed since the beginning of time.

I'm really not sure what guys believe, but if I look around, my guess would be they believe the TV. Which tells them that womens feel nice and purty and that womens are only good for being used cause we're so much better us big guys.

Dummerkopfs, like I said.

So, for the most part, that's how guys treat their women. The main goal is to "conquest" as much territory as we can. Surely you didn't think it was just a cute nickname that we "got to second base", did you? Underlying the stupid actions and desires there's a real urge, but for the most part it's repressed. Real Men don't have families. Real Men are like James Bond, sleeping with the enemy, and then killing her later with no remorse. Freak Yes!

Too bad that doesn't bring happiness. So it must have been the wrong girl, right?

Er... well, no, not exactly. Actually, nothing could be farther from the truth. Fellers, if you believe that, you're dumber than a sack of rocks and I have some wonderful oceanfront property in Arkansas to sell you...

So guys see women as a conquest. What else do they do?

Well, not only are YOU a conquest, but if they can get other women at the same time? Oh man, now HE's a man!

That's the theory anyway. It appears rather popular, from what I've seen. I think it's the dumbest thing since cigarettes, but hey, what do I know? I've never had sex or made out with 16 different women! Heck, I've only "made out" once, something that I truly regret. That I have at all. Mainly because I was being retarded, in that I believed her when she said she loved me.

Here's a tip for all those guys... if she ever tells you she loves you, and then at a later date she tells you that sometime between then and now she's made out with a bunch of guys and she wants your forgiveness... forgive her and then let her go. Either that or keep yourself when she's around, because honestly, the only thing she's going to do to you is break you down.

But yes, back to the dumb things we do... okay so those types of guys I told you about just now? The ones who are actively using you... those are the guys to drop like a hot tamale. Get rid of them fast!

But there's another type of guys who make dumb mistakes. But we do it out of sincere stupidity and love for you. We think it's the right and best thing to do for you. We may seem like it's about us, but it's really about you.

But how can you tell the difference? Is it for us guys or for you? Would you like to know? It's really rather simple.

If a guy wants something physical, it's for him. Period. It doesn't matter if you ask or throw yourself at him or anything. It's for him. And if he gives into you when he really doesn't want to, it's not any good for him.

Once you're married, things are slightly different. But if a guy wants anything physical, it's for himself.

If I wanna hold your hand? Yeah, that's for me. Cuddle? Yeah, that's for me. Hug? For me. Kiss? For me. Anything else? Yeah, that's for me too. Sure, you can enjoy it too... but it's really for me. Once you're married, however, things are completely different.

Now, we are physical beings, and we need physical contact to feel whole and complete (if you wanted to do some research, there are orphanages in other countries where they have so many babies and no one to hold them, and the kids - otherwise healthy - just give up and die. We need physical contact, fact of life). This physical contact, though, should be proportionate to our relationship. Acquaintances? Handshakes are good. Friends? Hugs are great. Been dating for a while or good friends? Holding hands, or an arm around the shoulder/waist is fine. Been seriously dating? Cuddle a bit, and maybe a chaste kiss goodnight. Don't know what a chaste kiss is? I'll give you a hint - if you could kiss your mother/sister/brother/father like that, it's OK.

Once you're married... well that's when you get to have all the physical fun. You've got a good 20-40 years of that ahead of you. Seriously, you won't miss out on anything.

So, what is a girl to do? I mean, you probably want some lovin' action, too.

Well, if you want to be in a good, healthy, enduring relationship... stick to my guidelines above. And if the guy wants more, STAY FIRM! Tell him NO, you do NOT do that. If you stick to your guns, you'll be able to separate the guys you want to be around with those you don't want to be around without a taser.

If the guy continues to press it after you've told him no? Get rid of him as fast as you can. Unless you'd like to be an object in an abusive relationship. If that's your idea of fulfillment... go right ahead, I'm not going to stop you. I will, however, stop talking to you. I try not to keep company with people who drag me down, and darling, if that's what you like, you're not the company I want to be with.

If, on the other hand, this guy says "Oh, okay," and gives it up? Now that's a guy you want to keep. Holy cow do you want him around! Of course, that's assuming he isn't getting a little on the side, but you should know about that one. But if he's faithful to you and is fine with those guidelines up there? Yeah, that guy is good as gold. He may do some dumb things, but he's a good one.

The sad thing is that most of the guys you know are boneheads. Truly. I've been guilty of it myself, but those events are really none of your business.

But if you go after the kinda guys I mentioned... well, you'll increase the quality of guys. It's the whole supply and demand - you girls are in demand, you have the commodity. Now, if you remain aloof and don't respond at all to our attentions... well, you'll be an old maid and you deserve it, jerk. You wouldn't believe the power you girls have over us guys, if you just know how to use it.

I'll talk a little bit about that tomorrow.

Please, get rid of the jerks. Go after some good guys instead.

Boys vs. Girls

So, I'm planning on writing a two part piece on Boys vs. Girls.

It's gonna be about the dumb things, relationship-wise, that boys and girls do.

If you have any comments or ideas, feel free to leave a comment for my consideration!

Should be fun, mainly because I'm going to thrash us both. wzerozerot.