Hooray for a Tax on the Stupid!

Sadly, the Arkansas Lottery was approved... as if there weren't already enough poverty in the state, now all the stupid poor people have to pay tons and tons of money to a lottery.

Awesome!

Fun With Money!

So... did someone sign a law that states all banks have to be either moronic or devilish? Did I just miss that or something?

So... Bank #1, who shall go un-named, but said name rhymes with Ewe Ess Frank, has the most evil policy in practice that I've ever heard of, when it comes to a savings account.

According to a customer service representative, ANY transaction that requires funds to be removed from my savings account constitutes a withdrawal. That's right - a funds TRANSFER? Withdrawal. Paying off my credit card bill - that goes through the bank? Withdrawal. And did I mention that you're only allowed one withdrawal per cycle, which cycles the 6th business day of every month? After that you're penalized a $1 fee per transaction.

Had I known such a thing, I certainly wouldn't have deposited my $1200 excess aid in that account. The only way it could be more evil is if they required $1 per transaction, period. Then it wouldn't even look at all like they care about their customers. As it is, it doesn't look like they have a care about them, at least not where I'm standing. No one ever told me that a F*ING TRANSFER would be considered a withdrawal! The $0.02 you paid in interest last month is NOT worth this crap. My mattress would penalize me less for banking there.

So... in hopes that bank #2 would not be evil (I used to have a savings account there when the bank rhymed with bluperior), I go to log on - or rather, attempt to log on to my account to see what I could find out.

Instead, the series of "extra security" questions they asked me either a) I didn't remember or b) my answer was invalid, effectively locking me out of my account.

I don't know who the heck my first girlfriend was! It could have been one of several people! I don't know how I spelled my nephews name! And my question? Well, the answer I would have typed just didn't work - several times!

Holy Retards Batman, are people seriously that mentally challenged to fall for something so obviously fake, that this sort of BS "security" is supposed to make them feel any better? Heck, even on the login site it said "feel secure in using your password again" - when did I NOT feel secure? If I wanted extra security, don't you think I would have told them? And yes, I did compose an email telling them exactly how much I enjoyed (or rather didn't) their security theatre.

Stupidity reigns supreme out here in the intarwebs. Unfortunately it used to be possible to ignore it, or go somewhere it wasn't prevalent. Now it's like walking into a high-class 5-star restaurant, and finding they feed you Gerber baby food with a plastic spoon.

And when you try to use the potty on your own, a 750lb gorilla shoves you back down in the seat until you have to use your diaper.

Open Source vs. Industry Standard?

So, I was looking for some various art programs for linux, and I came across this post. I must confess intrigue as I read through it. The open-mindedness of this particular professor surprised me somewhat, considering the more or less... "not-ness" of much of my particular school in general.

However, the comments on that post basically came down to one of these different boilerplate responses:

1) "OMG, ur liek so TOTALLY right! Macs suxxorrszzz!!1!!!" (When the author made no such mention, or even really any insinuation.

2) "D00d!11! Ur so ruining t3h studentz lives by teaching them OS inst3rd of teh industrie standards!!!"

3) "I admire your open-mindedness in trying to teach your students other options"

What was intriguing to me was that only ONE single person who offered negative feedback suggested they were actually working in "the industry", all other critics offered no such qualifications. The interesting thing to me is the fact that at least with Pixar they often write their OWN plugins/extensions/software. Many large studios use open source programs (I can't find a list, though there used to be some floating around on the 'net). I know a few people who work in "the industry", and I don't know that they're required to use any specific software. But just to make sure I'll ask on the art forum I'm a part of, though I'm pretty sure they use what they're most comfortable with, and it's their actual output that is of the most concern.

The moral of the story? Think critically before you post. Please please please!

Also, exposure to many different types of programs is NOT a hindrance! As a matter of fact, the more you know about various different skill sets, especially if you are proficient in them and skilled in at least one, the better off you will be.

What Do You Call...

A beautiful human being who has a LOT of potential, but she usually thinks she's not worth much. When she's told how important and beautiful she is, she reacts to these compliments with not gracious acceptance, but sometimes vehement denial, sometimes substituted with "whatever." She is perfectly willing, when she's sad or in any way hurt, to take advantage of the love and compassion shown to her by some male, but unless, and sometimes even when he's really down in the dumps, she will favor the type of male known as "jerkicus maximus", or "abusivus totalaraius". As a matter of fact, she will reject every type of advice, call to action, or plea to get some GOOD specimen, and will instead stay with this type of male. On occasion, she will reject one for the other, or bounce between several different subspecies of these, but she will probably never get a male who treats her right. On occasion she will reject all males in favour of the single life, or even in favor of females, where she will find the exact same treatment she had.

So what do you call this type of person?

Why, the type of girl that I've always loved, of course!

Silly Things

The other day I heard of something rather interesting...

A friend of mine who's still in highschool had a boyfriend. Said boyfriend dumps her because he's graduating next year and going to college. Tells girl, "I'll take you back if you graduate early and come to college with me."

Girl now decides she's going to graduate early so she can go to college with him.

Now, before you go to thinking that's terribly sweet of her... Let's stop and think for a minute and decode this transaction. We'll go to the meaning behind the words and actions...

Guy: "Yes, I'm going to withhold love from you. I really don't understand that withholding love is a sign that a) I don't really love you or b) I'm really going to become abusive either in word or deed. Or both."

Girl: "I'm so afraid that no one will love me, after all, I'm terribly worthless and ugly. I'm afraid of being alone, but you say if I jump through hoops for you, I'll be loved by you and I believe that"

Now, you may call me cynical, which may be true, but I prefer (when I'm not married to someone) to expect the worst because I'll only be pleasantly surprised. Sadly this encounter does not surprise me.

Do you think I'm mistaken or just plain wrong? Please leave your comments and suggestions...

Stupidity rocks...

So, in a bout of being stupid, I'm about to go search myspace and facebook for old flames of mine...

yay.

Random thoughts...

Okay, well now that I think about it, it's not so random... well yes, but never mind. I'm confusing the heck out of me, and I know what I'm talking about!

So... I realized something, the other day...

I'm somewhat of... well I don't know what sort of mythological creature turns icky at night. But that's what I am. Or rather, that's how I am at the moment.

But after 8PM, in proximity to females... I just get selfish desires and urges. Or more specifically any of my selfless desires and urges go right out the window. Specifics are really none of your business.

But I see them as objects. It's hard to see them as people and humans. Only things to be used for my personal gratification.

It's behavior and thoughts that I'm trying to fix... mainly by going to bed early. I can usually avoid the worst of it by being asleep earlier.


OOooooohhh... I just remembered something else!

I am willing to allow you room to make your choices, regardless of how I feel.

Specifically, I will probably tell you how I feel and then let you go your way.

To explain... I had a girl that I had a more than friends relationship with. She thought that it was not worth 5 minutes a month for her to e-mail me. You'd be surprised at what you could write in 5 minutes. I think totally this paragraph has taken me 30 seconds. With a few stops in there to think. Maybe a minute. So five of these a month was too much for her.

I told her that I felt neglected and ignored. Oh yes, and my birthday was in that month.

I don't remember exactly how she felt or what she told me, other than she couldn't ignore her family/school/everything else. For five minutes a week. Heck, I would've been fine with five minutes a month, and I told her as much.

And she told me that she wasn't willing to give me that much. And I told her how I felt about that, and that she could have a nice life, and I'd be where I am whenever she decided she wanted to be a friend and apologize... I can't remember exactly what she did, other than ignore me, but I'm sure there was something because I'm not usually that heartless. Or it could have been that she simply ignored me - our friendship wasn't even worth 5 minutes out of her life.

And we parted our ways.

I suppose I'm different than other people, in that I can lock up my love for someone, and then let it back out at my will and pleasure. And so when someone decides they want to leave my life... I am able to lock up my love for them and store it in a cool, dry place, until they decide to return.

I try to make it clear, as well... that there are certain people and behavior that I simply do not tolerate.

There are certain guys who are "guys guys" - meaning, it's fine for me to hang around with them. Because I'm not an object of their lust/affection.

I won't tolerate girls I care about allowing them to be objects of their "affection". If you are a girl, and you are... I will probably avoid you. Why? Because he will hurt/use/abuse you, and I told you so. And I don't want to be there when he does. Why? Because I don't like to see you hurting, which is why I expressed disapproval for him in the first place. And I really don't want to be the one there when he breaks your heart and you say, "But I loved him so much! Whine whine whine!"

Obviously he didn't love you, and I told you that from the beginning. Why did you even bother? Did you think you could change him? Or that you're so irresistible that he wouldn't cheat on you, too? Let's be honest - no one is that good.

Now once you decide that you're going to get into a relationship like that... my respect level for you will drop like a stone. Perhaps it's addictive behavior... but c'mon, that's some seriously f-ed up stuff. That's like snorting cocaine and shooting up with a heroin chaser, followed up by a good stiff shot of morphine. And while you're waiting for those to kick in, snorting up a months worth of powdered ritalin.

Yeah, severely stupid. Actually I'm pretty sure drugs would be harder to kick... so it'd be like starting off your drug use with those.

So yeah... I really don't like that.

----

Another thing I do is pretend that relationship actually mean something. If you're in a relationship with someone, I don't care if it's the above abusive moron. I will completely stop expressing any affection for you more than a friendship.

Why would I do that? Simple - I take relationships seriously. If you consider yourself in one, I'm not going to try and get you out of that. Because I care about your happiness, and if you think you're gonna be happy with the moron mentioned above... or any other guy, good or bad... I'm not going to stand in your way. I want you to be happy, and I figure you know yourself a lot better than me.

Plus I don't want to rain on your parade. So I keep out of your way, and let you do your thing.

Of course, the selfish aspect is I would rather not be hurt when you choose his company over mine, so I lock my heart up in a little box where you can't get it.

----

I don't know if all this is a good thing or a bad thing, or if it just is. For certain is that it is. I suppose that's enough for now...

Boys...

and why they're stupid.

Girls, I hate to burst your collective bubble, but guys are complete dum dum heads. Jerks, dummerkopfs, SO*ahems*... the list could go on for many more words than I care to write.

Now to catalog the ways and reasons guys are stupid. Now, if you get down to it, I believe a lot of what people do stems from a good desire. The problem is, from that desire to action it goes through so many horrible mistranslations that when it finally comes out, instead of "I love you, dear", it comes out "Go soak your head, tramp!"

Well, when you get down to it, I could say there are two types of actions - selfish and selfless.

Guys are mostly selfish, but we get a lot more joy out of life when we're selfless.

Okay, so there was tons of rambling while I tried to get my bearings (largely that's what I do, if you hadn't noticed. You should've seen me writing one of my papers. BLARGH! That was horrid how much I had to throw out!).

So here goes.

I believe that us menfolk have been designed as such that we have a desire to take care of girls, make babies, and raise a family. Now, this is something I've more or less believed since the beginning of time.

I'm really not sure what guys believe, but if I look around, my guess would be they believe the TV. Which tells them that womens feel nice and purty and that womens are only good for being used cause we're so much better us big guys.

Dummerkopfs, like I said.

So, for the most part, that's how guys treat their women. The main goal is to "conquest" as much territory as we can. Surely you didn't think it was just a cute nickname that we "got to second base", did you? Underlying the stupid actions and desires there's a real urge, but for the most part it's repressed. Real Men don't have families. Real Men are like James Bond, sleeping with the enemy, and then killing her later with no remorse. Freak Yes!

Too bad that doesn't bring happiness. So it must have been the wrong girl, right?

Er... well, no, not exactly. Actually, nothing could be farther from the truth. Fellers, if you believe that, you're dumber than a sack of rocks and I have some wonderful oceanfront property in Arkansas to sell you...

So guys see women as a conquest. What else do they do?

Well, not only are YOU a conquest, but if they can get other women at the same time? Oh man, now HE's a man!

That's the theory anyway. It appears rather popular, from what I've seen. I think it's the dumbest thing since cigarettes, but hey, what do I know? I've never had sex or made out with 16 different women! Heck, I've only "made out" once, something that I truly regret. That I have at all. Mainly because I was being retarded, in that I believed her when she said she loved me.

Here's a tip for all those guys... if she ever tells you she loves you, and then at a later date she tells you that sometime between then and now she's made out with a bunch of guys and she wants your forgiveness... forgive her and then let her go. Either that or keep yourself when she's around, because honestly, the only thing she's going to do to you is break you down.

But yes, back to the dumb things we do... okay so those types of guys I told you about just now? The ones who are actively using you... those are the guys to drop like a hot tamale. Get rid of them fast!

But there's another type of guys who make dumb mistakes. But we do it out of sincere stupidity and love for you. We think it's the right and best thing to do for you. We may seem like it's about us, but it's really about you.

But how can you tell the difference? Is it for us guys or for you? Would you like to know? It's really rather simple.

If a guy wants something physical, it's for him. Period. It doesn't matter if you ask or throw yourself at him or anything. It's for him. And if he gives into you when he really doesn't want to, it's not any good for him.

Once you're married, things are slightly different. But if a guy wants anything physical, it's for himself.

If I wanna hold your hand? Yeah, that's for me. Cuddle? Yeah, that's for me. Hug? For me. Kiss? For me. Anything else? Yeah, that's for me too. Sure, you can enjoy it too... but it's really for me. Once you're married, however, things are completely different.

Now, we are physical beings, and we need physical contact to feel whole and complete (if you wanted to do some research, there are orphanages in other countries where they have so many babies and no one to hold them, and the kids - otherwise healthy - just give up and die. We need physical contact, fact of life). This physical contact, though, should be proportionate to our relationship. Acquaintances? Handshakes are good. Friends? Hugs are great. Been dating for a while or good friends? Holding hands, or an arm around the shoulder/waist is fine. Been seriously dating? Cuddle a bit, and maybe a chaste kiss goodnight. Don't know what a chaste kiss is? I'll give you a hint - if you could kiss your mother/sister/brother/father like that, it's OK.

Once you're married... well that's when you get to have all the physical fun. You've got a good 20-40 years of that ahead of you. Seriously, you won't miss out on anything.

So, what is a girl to do? I mean, you probably want some lovin' action, too.

Well, if you want to be in a good, healthy, enduring relationship... stick to my guidelines above. And if the guy wants more, STAY FIRM! Tell him NO, you do NOT do that. If you stick to your guns, you'll be able to separate the guys you want to be around with those you don't want to be around without a taser.

If the guy continues to press it after you've told him no? Get rid of him as fast as you can. Unless you'd like to be an object in an abusive relationship. If that's your idea of fulfillment... go right ahead, I'm not going to stop you. I will, however, stop talking to you. I try not to keep company with people who drag me down, and darling, if that's what you like, you're not the company I want to be with.

If, on the other hand, this guy says "Oh, okay," and gives it up? Now that's a guy you want to keep. Holy cow do you want him around! Of course, that's assuming he isn't getting a little on the side, but you should know about that one. But if he's faithful to you and is fine with those guidelines up there? Yeah, that guy is good as gold. He may do some dumb things, but he's a good one.

The sad thing is that most of the guys you know are boneheads. Truly. I've been guilty of it myself, but those events are really none of your business.

But if you go after the kinda guys I mentioned... well, you'll increase the quality of guys. It's the whole supply and demand - you girls are in demand, you have the commodity. Now, if you remain aloof and don't respond at all to our attentions... well, you'll be an old maid and you deserve it, jerk. You wouldn't believe the power you girls have over us guys, if you just know how to use it.

I'll talk a little bit about that tomorrow.

Please, get rid of the jerks. Go after some good guys instead.

Boys vs. Girls

So, I'm planning on writing a two part piece on Boys vs. Girls.

It's gonna be about the dumb things, relationship-wise, that boys and girls do.

If you have any comments or ideas, feel free to leave a comment for my consideration!

Should be fun, mainly because I'm going to thrash us both. wzerozerot.

Pain... lots and lots of pain.

So... yesterday, now, I think I compressed my spine on the diving board at the pool. It hurt and was sore... but nothing worse than I've had. And then I went to sleep.

And then, about 12-12:30am, I woke up. In pain. Excruciating pain. Pain worse than I have ever had. Pain so bad that it hurt to sit where I was, and it hurt to move. It took me almost 10 or 15 minutes to be able to get out of bed. I couldn't turn on a side without being crippled by waves of pain washing over my body. I was indeed wracked, no matter how I turned. I finally figured that I could bend my legs okay, and so I shuffled down to the foot of my bed, and was able to sit up.

It was not easy and it wasn't very fun. Well, other than the learning new things kind of fun. The rest of my body and mind is telling me that I'm retarded for thinking such blasphemy. Well, I was able to sit and stand, though it took a lot of concentration. Then I was able to shuffle a tote I have in my closet, to reach the one beneath. Why did I need that, you ask? Inspiration struck and I realized I had a back brace (for lifting heavy things at work) and a belt for weight lifting - one of those huge leather jobbies. Well, I got those out and cinched them as tight as tight could be. That held off a lot of the pain, and I was able to sit up and eat some food and walk around.

But I'm completely unable to sleep. I can't lay down, but luckily we have a recliner type couch in the living room. But I can't get to sleep, so I decided I'd come and write about my pain, thinking that I might be tired as I end this.

But sadly, that's really not the case.

I'm in pain.

Eureka!

So... I believe I've figured it out.

What exactly, have I figured out? Well! What the difference/problem/etc/etc has been, is, will be, blah blah blah.

Also I had a peculiar dream where I made out with someone and her kisses tasted like chicken I think. Randomness, and very weird. *mutters things darkly about kissing*

Back on track - what I figured out - I have been searching for both a friend and someone to love/care about. But I wanted to build up the friendly bit first, because hey, who the heck screws over their friends? Well, apparently that's not the type of relationship anyone has been interested in. At least anyone I've been after.

So it's kinda neat to realize that. Mainly because I know the problem, so I know what it is I have to look for. Oh man, I also had a dream that J had a new pic on her xanga/blog... weird. That definitely was a dream, it's almost been a month (again) since she's written anything.

But yeah... during the YSA activity I talked to some girls... but you know, it really doesn't seem like anyone is interested in making friends. And that's really my problem, because I don't have any/that many. I mean really. Some people grow up, and they have friends that they hang out with, and they love their friend and are loved by their friends... Oh sure, they may not say anything to that effect, but the emotions and fulfillment are definitely there.

I've never really been like that. I've never really had any friends that I've hung out with. And I think I know why, but I'm not sure. When I was a young child (read 5 or 6ish?) a girl kissed me. And I fell in love with her. Honestly, I wanted to marry her. As I think back now - sure there was some lack of knowledge, but yeah, I pretty much wanted to marry her. Well she moved away, and long story short, now she's married to some other guy and never wants to talk to me. Ever again. Yeah, that hurts a lot, even still - I mean I really loved this girl. But my problem? I wanted to be her friend first, not the romance in her life.

But like I was saying, I don't really have any/many friends. Why do I say that? There are about three people I would consider my friends, but I rarely talk to them. It's been over a week (or two++) since I've talked to any of them. One... we don't always have much to talk about, which is sad, because she's a really cool person, and really intelligent... but we don't do a whole lot. The other one, we can usually converse (she's more religious than the first - that gives us a few more topics/lines of conversation). Then the last one is a guy, and we haven't really talked for over a month, so it's like whatever, ya know?

Then there are other people who could be considered friends, depending on your definition. But when I define friends, it's someone who helps you be your best. It's someone who inspires you to be better in some (or all) ways. It's someone who's there to listen to you, and there when you're in trouble, but they're also telling you how much they disprove of your actions. Not in an insensitive way (usually), but they do let you know "I love you, but I'm not going to watch you act so stupid. I know you're not stupid, so try acting your intelligence, por favor." More or less.

So there are a few other kids you could call friends, owing to some different circumstances, they're not able to be there. Which is kind of a pity, really.

But I don't have anyone that I could just go over and hang out with, or they'd just randomly pop over and visit. No one. There was one like that, but that dummerkopf had to go get himself killed last October. Jerkface.

So I've got no real friends, no one to hang out with, no one to just call on the phone and chat with... *sigh*

that's what I need but these dumb girls are looking for someone to be romantic with first. They don't understand that romance blossoms from the bed of friendship, not the other way around. I mean sure it might be possible, but I don't like doing things backwards like that...

meh... anyways, now it's time to eat breakfast, and go work on my freakin car.

later.