beeeeeep!

This is a test of the emergency me-cast system.

Phones and things

I want this.

Too bad I could almost get an iPhone, or even better, could get an openMoko for that price...

Phones and things

I want this.

Too bad I could almost get an iPhone, or even better, could get an openMoko...

Sweet...

Turns out I can send photos to this thing.

And that's awesome.

hrrrm....

So... I had something to... ahh, that's what I was going to write about!

So I'm currently (still) working on cleaning up my room. I came across an interesting bit of voodoo... okay, just a comment by a friend on a blog post I had made.

It said, "You only mention how so many people aren't your friends and who doesn't care and how no one will ever like you."

To be fair (to her) that's kinda-sorta true. I suppose the problem here lies in communication - more specifically, I often don't try to clarify my meanings.

I will say things like "My friend" and "... people aren't [my] friends and [they don't] care..."

And to me, in the context I use them and the vocabulary and meaning that I use... they're perfectly accurate statements of fact.

I kinda posted a more or less questionnaire about the meaning of love, at least to me, the other day. and that wasn't by any means comprehensive! It can go so much deeper than that.

When I speak of friends, I don't do it in the conventional sense of the word, i.e. "Oh I met this guy today, he's my friend." I tend not to describe people who don't influence me for good as friends. Sometimes I'll slip into the vulgar language and describe them as friend, but they're really not and I don't see them that way.

Now, just because they're not my friends doesn't mean that I can't be their friend. As a matter of fact that's usually a lot closer to the case - I'm friendly towards them and they either look up to me or care... for me? Yes, I think that's right. Not about me. Just for me.

For instance....

"I care about you!" "You know, that guy is no good, he's kinda scum actually" "You can't tell me what to do! I love him!"

The first statement is a lie, perhaps unintentional... but a lie nonetheless. You care FOR me - perhaps about who I am, certainly if I'm your friend... if I died you'd probably show up at my funeral... Hmmm... maybe even caring for me is a little to strong. I think it's more that you care of me.

Sort of like so... "Do you know Johnny?" "Ah... I know OF him... and I've met him, but I really don't know him".

I'd say that's probably a pretty accurate way of describing how people care.

So there are the people who care of me... I'd say that's probably the main bulk of the people I know. My incredibly informed opinions on the male gender mean nothing to you. Other than annoyance. You'll feel free to be annoyed that I'd offer my no doubt jealous opinion. Which isn't entirely true. Most certainly I am jealous - that's mainly because I don't have any friends of my own and I know exactly what will happen - I'll lose all chance of gaining you as a friend. Because dude, I'm not friends with non-single women. They can be "our" friends if I were to be in a relationship... but never MY friend. That leads to problems, trust me on this.

But that opinion - regardless of my motivations - is extremely valid and probably 100% correct. I cannot think of a time when I've evaluated some guy in a negative light and portrayed him in anything less than his actual character. In fact I often end out having portrayed him in a better light than he really is. Now, understand - this does not necessarily preclude your having a relationship with this cad and bounder. But the problem is when you knowingly turn a blind eye to the situation.

I mean, I'm at least in the top 10 people who will say that I'm quite a cad and a bounder. Possibly even despicable, depending on the day. That certainly never stopped me from attempting a relationship with girls - but that's mainly because I perfectly understand the fact that I'm no good, and that makes me a pretty swell guy.

"Double-ewe Tee Eff??!" You might ask in exclaimation, "How does that even make sense?"

Quite simple - most guys are of the thought that they're great swell guys and everything about them is awesome. I am of the thought that there are plenty of things wrong with me, but hey, that just means more adventures through learning and forgiveness. And therein lies the difference.

The problem I suppose is that makes me sorta cocky. Because I know I'm problematic, and I know that through small and simple things, great things can come to pass.

So anyway... back to the caring bit...

Girls care of me, some of them (few) care for me. But not one of them explores me. They really don't care that much to know anything I know or care to educate me on what they know. It's kinda given me a... je ne sais quoi... sort of an "I really don't care" syndrome.

Like... I don't care so much about what's going on, because I've been at this long enough to know that if I care or I don't care it really doesn't effect the outcome. I can tell you you're dumb as a brick for doing XYZ or not. You'll still do it, and I'll be hurt because you ignored me, you'll be hurt because you ignored me and XYZ hurt you... So let's just skip all that. I won't say anything, you can be stupid, and we'll skip all the time in between.

I suppose you could say I've become a cynic, and that's probably true. I also retain a bit of hope, ironically. A hopeful cynic, that doesn't really make sense.

Sense or not, though, true it is. I really wish it weren't... but... well, nine years of girls who don't pay attention to me... and reject my affections towards them... wow... nine years. I hadn't realized it's been that long. That's pretty amazing. Nine years of rejection. That's a pretty long time to be rejected. How long have we known each other, J? 7 years? Less? More? I think it's been less than 9... maybe it's been more now that I think about it.

And you're really the only one I still talk to out of all those girls. My goodness. That's amazingly depressing. Not that I still talk to you, freak... if I didn't I'd be amazingly sad and depressed and probably die because seriously... meh!

One of the other things that's rather depressing is how girls are all, "You're amazing and I wish I could find a guy like you..." they just don't want me. So I really try to not ever say that to anyone. Ever. I know some wonderful people, heck, if you're reading this you're probably one of them.

But if I married any one of you... it wouldn't be good. Why? Because I can't look up to you. Not in a physical sense, but in a knowledge/emotional sense. There was a girl that I could, and we were "practically engaged". And then she dumped me because sure we could "have all these arguments" and "make up", but really "I just don't think it's worth it." (read - You're not worth it. Go die in a hole, jerk.)

So that did wonders for my self esteem. But anyhoo, now I've realized that honestly, I don't think I'll find a girl I can look up to... I mean, some of you know how much I respect you... but others of you? I'm sorry, I can't respect you at all. I look at you with contempt, really. I care about you when I realize that I'm not thinking about you right... But really - I don't have respect for you, because you lost that respect - usually by ignoring my perfectly well founded advice. And I say oh I'll give you a chance, because sometimes I am wrong and gee then I'd just be a jealous dork.

Except I still haven't been wrong. I could almost, ALMOST still have respect for you, if you walked away from the train wreck (or ran)... but when you go BACK... oh dearie dear. I'm really sorry... and if you NEED me... you know where to find me. But why would I want to go after/hang out with a girl who obviously has no problems hanging out with a guy like that? I'd rather your reputation not rub off on me, kthxbye.

But I have no problems, like I said, if you need me. Just like the Saviour didn't turn away the hookers, I won't turn you away if you need a shoulder to cry on.

So... that's kinda where I stand. Feel free to ask for clarification in the usual way (that means comment!)

Oh and also, I know one of you who actually reads this. You know what a GBFS is and who Olive is.

If you do not know that you know these things, please leave a comment so that I know you read. If not I'll just have to start e-mailing her instead of leaving a blog. kthxbye!

Can you believe it?

Post number 400.

That's a big round number. Us humans, for some weird reason, like big round numbers.

Me? I'm tired as heck and I have to use the potty...

About par for the course, eh?

One more...

So... I'm really not sure what I want to write about. There are several things, but I think I'll try this one on for size...

Well, I don't have the time right now to do a whole lot more research, but so far I've come up with the figures of approximately two hundred students killed, and at least three hundred wounded by school shootings.

Probably the most recent shooting you can name is that of the Virginia Tech shooter.

I can't find the link to it, so perhaps I'll scan it off of something or another sitting around campus. But basically, the UCA PD recieved 16 new assault rifles, ostensibly to "keep [the kids] safe".

Uhh... excuse me?

What possible reason could the UCA PD have for needing assault rifles? Sixteen of them to boot!

Well, let's discuss some of the more deadly shootings... I think it was in Texas, the bell tower sniper - he shot and killed several students from the campus bell tower. Now, in that case, perhaps I can see the use for an assault rifle - to provide covering fire. But the majority of school shootings have been with the use of shotguns or handguns. According to military-net.com, the maximum effective range of a .45 caliber handgun?
"A. 1500 meters maximum and 50 meters maximum effective range."

That's more or less the same of most pistols. Their effective range is about 50 meters. When you're in school next, look down the hall. That's probably the farthest maximum distance someone could shoot more or less accurately with a pistol. And that's with some good training and skill.

How about those assault rifles? According to this site the maximum effective range of an AR-15 is ~500 meters. That's just about a half mile. "Wow!" you may say - that's great! So that guy can only maybe shoot you at 50 meters but you can easily shoot him at 300 meters - around 6 times the distance!

There's only one problem. You won't HAVE that distance. School shootings usually take place in one of two different ways - penetration, where the attacker gets inside the school first, or a sort of either bait, or wait style. Basically the attacker hides out in the woods, or the parking lot, and sets off a fire alarm, or something of that nature so that everyone comes out in the open where he (or she) opens fire.

Instead you're in close quarters. here's a youtube video that shows what happens to a cinder block when it's shot with an AR-15. I don't know about you but that's basically what MY school is made of.

I know I don't want to be on the other side of that block, either. No way, no how, no thank you very much.

There is absolutely NO reason that any arkansas campus police department should need or have that much firepower. If anything they should have two trained snipers per shift, with the accuracy and training to put down a target without endangering the lives of the students and faculty.

If anything they might need some CQ weaponry more powerful than their handguns - a shotgun loaded with slugs, some mp5s or so with their lower powered rounds (a maximum effective range of around 300 meters).

But assault rifles? Who are they kidding?

Closing Time...

I'm here at the Student Center, closing up... it's pretty decent, I must say. I'll have loads of time to finish homework without having interruptions of really anything but my own choosing. Should be a lot of fun :D

So I've got about an hour or so before I clock out & go home... so I decided to blog a little... and I think I'm done blogging now, lol.

Two more posts...

after this one to reach the big 400 posts. Kind of an accomplishment I'd say.

Well, I haven't been writing much lately because I've been retardedly busy. Between schoolwork and work and what I want to do, not counting everything else I need to do, I think I'm using up about 207 hours a week...

yes, I realize there aren't that many...

I did have a rather peculiar dream. I asked this girl on a date, and she was terribly excited. I think the most bizarre thing about that was this girl isn't 18 yet... At least that'll happen in the next year though, so I don't feel TOO bad about it.

Well... anyhoo... I suppose that's all for now, other than the thanks J for last night... I like falling asleep on the phone, lol. And I know you know I do :P

[edit]
Oh, and the term is bibliophile.

On a scale of one to ten, I am pissed. My math class is filled with egotistical jerks who think that because they know something because they've been through *ing pre-cal in high-school, they know something. Put that calculator down, wuss boy, and see about solving any of those problems.

That's exactly what I hate about math classes - when it ceases to be fun. Is it my fault you're too f*ing stupid to get the class that's your level? This is crap that _I_ need to learn, if you don't, get the heck out of my class, because I don't learn a *ing thing with you here.

Bastards, every one.

*sigh*

Maybe Monday will be a decent class...

No Lab For You!

So there are no lab classes this week. Gee, I wish I would've known that, then after shopping for my books I could've dumped my biology in my car or something. Le Sigh. Oh well, live and learn and hopefully never have another lab! At least science lab. That's my goal, lol. Math should be fun today, and we may or may not have a lecture - another class earlier today in the lecture hall got out with a no-show professor... mmm, my pot pie is done!

Yum. Anyhoo, my professor, Loi Booher, the math one, seems pretty cool, as does Dr. Forssman Hill, my writing professor. Aaand I don't yet know about my biology professor. We'll find that out later today, perhaps.

Well... life is swell, but I have some homework stuff to work on, so I'll yak atcha later.

Do you love me?

While I'm here waiting in line at the financial aid, I'll be blogging...

"Do you love me?"
"Do I WHAT?!"
-Tevye and Golde, from Fiddler on the Roof

A legitimate and fairly just question, one would suppose. And one that often arises in various relationships. And just so everyone knows... When I speak of love, I mean it in a rather specific way.

Do you inspire me to be better? Do you trust me? Do you want me to be an integral part of your life? Not just someone you associate with and know, but someone you rely on. Am I someone who would severely impact your life for the worse if I left it?

When I do things that you don't understand, do you strive to understand the why behind the action? Or do you judge me right away?

When I do dumb things, or feel bad about something I've done, do you encourage me to do better and try harder? Or do you tell me that I'm scum and horrible and gee I never should have done that to you/someone/myself.

Do you want our relationship to be stronger? What would you do to develop that relationship?

Do you want to be part of my life?

Are you willing to still be a part of my life, even when I'm doing stupid things? Not to say that you take part part in that stupidity, but that you understand that everyone makes different choices, mistakes even. Do you tell me that while you understand I have agency, you're also making the choice that while I'm doing dumb things, you won't be in my life for those parts, only when I'm trying to do things acceptable to me? That phrase might be a little confusing... but just kinda think about it I guess...

Do you want to do things that I enjoy, and learn my hobbies and interests? Do you learn about things like that on your own time, so when we're together I don't have to teach you, but we can do some of the same things?

There are more things... but they're not on my mind right now... but this is a good starter list.

Do you love me?

Well...

I was gonna post something longer, but I really need to get to financial aid... so I'll write later!

Huzzah!

First day of classes? Mission: Accomplished.

Yeah, it was pretty good. I only had two classes, my writing class and my math class... it seems like they should both be some good classes.

Dr. Forssman Hill is my writing teacher, and Professor Booher is my math teacher, and they both seem like competent, nice ladies. Of course, the way I see it, that basically makes them teachers anyway, this way they simply get paid for it.

Well... I think that's about it for now... I'm rather tired - I've been up since 5AM, see... Heh... it could be fun to take a nap like I learned in the Worst Case Scenario Handbook: College Survival guide... One of the things I enjoy about college is people watching. Especially after being here for a semester... I can pretty much pick the freshmen out like nobodies business - they all seem to have this startled "deer in the headlights" look - slightly unsure and more or less worried. It's cute, really. I wonder if I looked like that my first semester... I doubt it, simply because I've done so much and I'm so easygoing that I was probably like "eh, whatever." Maybe.

Tomorrow I have math again, (bleh, I really need to get books & things) and Biology... what a horrid book. Both of those books will end out around $200 for the two classes. You know, the books should really just be included in tuition or something... about $1500 of random fees is anyway, so why not those?

I'm pretty sure that next semester I'll try to get back with the MWF classes... I just think it'll be a bit easier. Of course that also depends on everything else... like, say work schedule... wheee... so much fun.

So I'm learning myself the Python programming language. It's been a lot of fun so far, I now need to learn how to open/edit files... w00t. And then I wanna start learning how to play with PyGTK+ - it's a programming language/widget set that's pretty darn cool. That's what the GIMP and pidgin are programmed in.

Pretty sweet stuff.

Well, that's enough rambling for now, I think I'll go draft a letter I'm supposed to write for creative writing class... joi de vivre!

First day o' classes!

So... it's my second semester at UCA.

My list of things to do today include

• Waking up - accomplished!


• Taking a shower


• Eating breakfast


• Making it to my first class (WRTG 1320 - starts at 9:25AM) by 9AM. Maybe earlier


• Meet a friend that I pretty much haven't seen since last semester, even though she lives in conway and I've been there 3x/week! Darn schedule conflicts!


• Arrive for my (MATH 1580) class 30 mins early


• Eat lunch somewhere in there


• Depending on what's going on with UCA Welcome Week, possibly go have some fun doing something or another


• Get home safely


• Get ready for classes tomorrow.

That schedule neither constitutes the entirety of what's goin on for me today, nor what I'll probably end out doing, such as - getting there *ing early to go see financial aid and see about more money... le sigh sigh sigh!

With a 4.0 last semester, you'd think they'd be throwing money at me, eh? I guess I have to wait till after next semester for that!

How's YOUR school coming?

Huh...

That was surprisingly not as bad as I thought it would be. Specifically I couldn't remember a lot of names. How odd...

Stupidity rocks...

So, in a bout of being stupid, I'm about to go search myspace and facebook for old flames of mine...

yay.

Random thoughts...

Okay, well now that I think about it, it's not so random... well yes, but never mind. I'm confusing the heck out of me, and I know what I'm talking about!

So... I realized something, the other day...

I'm somewhat of... well I don't know what sort of mythological creature turns icky at night. But that's what I am. Or rather, that's how I am at the moment.

But after 8PM, in proximity to females... I just get selfish desires and urges. Or more specifically any of my selfless desires and urges go right out the window. Specifics are really none of your business.

But I see them as objects. It's hard to see them as people and humans. Only things to be used for my personal gratification.

It's behavior and thoughts that I'm trying to fix... mainly by going to bed early. I can usually avoid the worst of it by being asleep earlier.


OOooooohhh... I just remembered something else!

I am willing to allow you room to make your choices, regardless of how I feel.

Specifically, I will probably tell you how I feel and then let you go your way.

To explain... I had a girl that I had a more than friends relationship with. She thought that it was not worth 5 minutes a month for her to e-mail me. You'd be surprised at what you could write in 5 minutes. I think totally this paragraph has taken me 30 seconds. With a few stops in there to think. Maybe a minute. So five of these a month was too much for her.

I told her that I felt neglected and ignored. Oh yes, and my birthday was in that month.

I don't remember exactly how she felt or what she told me, other than she couldn't ignore her family/school/everything else. For five minutes a week. Heck, I would've been fine with five minutes a month, and I told her as much.

And she told me that she wasn't willing to give me that much. And I told her how I felt about that, and that she could have a nice life, and I'd be where I am whenever she decided she wanted to be a friend and apologize... I can't remember exactly what she did, other than ignore me, but I'm sure there was something because I'm not usually that heartless. Or it could have been that she simply ignored me - our friendship wasn't even worth 5 minutes out of her life.

And we parted our ways.

I suppose I'm different than other people, in that I can lock up my love for someone, and then let it back out at my will and pleasure. And so when someone decides they want to leave my life... I am able to lock up my love for them and store it in a cool, dry place, until they decide to return.

I try to make it clear, as well... that there are certain people and behavior that I simply do not tolerate.

There are certain guys who are "guys guys" - meaning, it's fine for me to hang around with them. Because I'm not an object of their lust/affection.

I won't tolerate girls I care about allowing them to be objects of their "affection". If you are a girl, and you are... I will probably avoid you. Why? Because he will hurt/use/abuse you, and I told you so. And I don't want to be there when he does. Why? Because I don't like to see you hurting, which is why I expressed disapproval for him in the first place. And I really don't want to be the one there when he breaks your heart and you say, "But I loved him so much! Whine whine whine!"

Obviously he didn't love you, and I told you that from the beginning. Why did you even bother? Did you think you could change him? Or that you're so irresistible that he wouldn't cheat on you, too? Let's be honest - no one is that good.

Now once you decide that you're going to get into a relationship like that... my respect level for you will drop like a stone. Perhaps it's addictive behavior... but c'mon, that's some seriously f-ed up stuff. That's like snorting cocaine and shooting up with a heroin chaser, followed up by a good stiff shot of morphine. And while you're waiting for those to kick in, snorting up a months worth of powdered ritalin.

Yeah, severely stupid. Actually I'm pretty sure drugs would be harder to kick... so it'd be like starting off your drug use with those.

So yeah... I really don't like that.

----

Another thing I do is pretend that relationship actually mean something. If you're in a relationship with someone, I don't care if it's the above abusive moron. I will completely stop expressing any affection for you more than a friendship.

Why would I do that? Simple - I take relationships seriously. If you consider yourself in one, I'm not going to try and get you out of that. Because I care about your happiness, and if you think you're gonna be happy with the moron mentioned above... or any other guy, good or bad... I'm not going to stand in your way. I want you to be happy, and I figure you know yourself a lot better than me.

Plus I don't want to rain on your parade. So I keep out of your way, and let you do your thing.

Of course, the selfish aspect is I would rather not be hurt when you choose his company over mine, so I lock my heart up in a little box where you can't get it.

----

I don't know if all this is a good thing or a bad thing, or if it just is. For certain is that it is. I suppose that's enough for now...

A party, a party!

I had a party last night...

I was actually surprised how many people showed up. It was rather nice to see 'em all.

---

On another (sortof) topic, I realize that I'm not a nice person after 8PM. At least I don't have the desires I used to have. I tend to be a little selfish, even if I don't act that way. I think only of myself and my own desires... well, mostly.

Hmm, rather peculiar... *sigh* and more junk to work on. Sweet. I suppose I should look forward to this adventure... it promises to be rather interesting!

well... I'm tired and I need to clean my room. Toodles.

Friends and fun

So I got to see two of my friends yesterday. It was good, I had fun :)

Tomorrow I get to see at least one of my friends, so that's also swell.

And now I have to get moving to work... so I shall.

Eclipse

Holy cow! Oh so good!

If you haven't read it yet I won't spoil it for you, but I just have to say...

Daaauuuuurrrrgh!

Lol...

Go out an read them all. Now. 15 hours, you can do 'em all in one day :P

Girl Power!

Or something.

Well, now it's the girls turn. Of course the rest of this will have to wait until I get back from Ratatouille. Or rather, I'll be going to see that somewhere in the middle here.

So, I'll begin by presenting the very dumb dumb things that girls do. And then we'll go from there.

The first dumb thing is fishing for compliments. An example:

Girl: I'm sooo ugly/fat/dumb
Boy(sincere): Awww, no you're not, you're beautiful/skinny/smart
G: You're just saying that!
B: No I'm not! You really are!
G: No, I'm just a fat cow nobody loves!
B: You're not fat! (She really isn't)

It goes on longer until the girl has extracted all the compliments she wants or the guy gets sick and tells her she is.

In the end? Either one or both are upset, and it wasn't great at all.

What is the solution? First off - trust us! We do know what we're talking about. And guess what that says to us when you say, "You're just saying that!"

That says, "You're totally lying to me, I can't trust you to tell the truth about what I look like." And girls... that's a bad way to go with a relationship. Most guys should be aware of their girls feelings (unless you hide them. Don't do that.) and we should be complimenting you all over the place. A lot of times we screw up and don't do what we should, and it doesn't hurt to say, "Honey, I'm feeling a little blue right now. Could you tell me about the good you see in me?"

If you try that and the guy is still slacking... well, get another guy. But if you're that direct, most every guy I know will be able to roll out a string of compliments as long as your arm. And they'll feel good and you'll feel good (if you TRUST them!). And you know what the best part of doing that is? If you have a caring guy, he'll begin to learn what signs you show when you need some lovin'.

Here's another fun thing that makes me grind my teeth to my gums.

Girls who say, "I can't!"

I don't think I've ever talked to a girl who told me that in the proper context.

Proper Context:

"Flap your arms and fly to the moon!" - "But I can't!"

"Hold your breath for ten hours!" - "But I can't without dying!"

"Grow a hundred feet tall!" - "I can't! That's not physically possible!"

Get the picture? And now some improper context:

"When a guy is a jerk like that? Yeah, tell him NO!" - "I can't do that! That's mean!"

"Honey, we need to talk..." - "I'm kinda busy right now talking to some friends" - "It's really important. Just ask them to IM you back in 5 minutes." - "I can't do that!"

"Look, all I want is five minutes out of your week! All you have to do is tell your family you'll be back in five and just send me an e-mail, 'I'm thinking of you, this week is crazy busy! I'm well and I'll ttyl!' that's all I need!" - "I can't tell my family that!"
---

Yeah... those were some actual quotes. Possibly slightly adapted... but oh, so very actual. Pretty awesome, huh?

But by awesome, I mean "Dumb as driveway gravel."

Look, if a woman can swim the English-freaking-channel, you most certainly can tell a guy he's a freaking jerk because he only wants to make out with you and doesn't want to do anything that's important to you (i.e. go to church, read whatever scriptures are common to your religion, go on walks, sing, really anything that's important to you). Yeah, if the guy isn't willing to give more than he takes? Time to get rid of him. Don't be stupid, dear.

Here's one thing that pisses me off more than just about any stupid thing girls can do. I mean... I honestly can't stand to be in the company of girls like this because it offends every single one of my sensibilities.

Okay, that guy? He cheated on someone else? That's pretty bad. That guy cheated on you? Yeah, you pretty much shouldn't ever talk to him again. I'm all for repentance and forgiveness, but you don't have to be stupid! It's one thing if he expresses a desire to stay with you and he changes his behaviour. That's right, change. Because I tell you something, if he acts like he did before? If he isn't cheating already, he soon will be. Dump him like a hot tamale and find some guy who actually cares about you.

Seriously, I cannot tell you the phenomenal amount of stupidity that's involved in that kind of action. I mean... they don't want to change? At all? Even worse, they said they'd change and they haven't at all? My goodness woman! You need to get a refund on those brains because they're obviously defective!

Well, I don't know, maybe you're fulfilled when you're treated like an object. When you're not even second - you're last. All of you are last in his life. He's first and foremost. It really makes me sick. On both ends. I hate that guys like that exist, but I hate even more that you girls fall for them. Ugh!

Now... Here's the last thing I have... there may be many more ways that you may be stupid, the only way to not be too stupid is watch and be careful, lest ye become dumb as driveway gravel.

But the last thing... if you don't like something, or you wish we would do something different or better? Let us know! We aren't mind readers. But of course, don't expect us to go ahead and do it. A lot of times we will... or we'll make an effort. If it's something really serious... then yeah, you should hold us to it. Oh, and if you are gonna tell us something - please please please don't do it in front of anyone else.

A simple - "I don't feel like you treat me romantic enough" will suffice. We might change, or we might have a good reason that we do it how we do. And darling, there are some things that it really doesn't matter how it's done. If we fold our undies, or don't, the world won't end. Now, if we're interfering with your undawears, that's something different. But seriously... there are a lot of things that we've done this way forever. Just because your dad/mom/brother/uncle/twelfth cousin once removed/sister did it differently... doesn't mean we should do it that way.

I'm tired and I've probably rambled. Just don't be stupid. Is that really too much to ask? Is it?

I Palindrome I

This is post 383. So I figured the title was fitting, and in my limited try I didn't come up with anything terribly witty involving palindromes and girls.

Oh well.

Now that that's out of the way...

Time for some fun!

Okay... it was time for some fun, I was doing a whole tonne of things that had nothing to do with the blog I intended. Oops. Oh well.

I'll write when I get home. What a punk :P

Girl Time or Tired Time?

So yesterday the boys got it... and... I was going to do the girls right now... but i just realized that's not going to work. I'm so incredibly tired that for me to form a cohernetnafejsdf thought would bewerdfasdfasdfeiwfa.

Er... yes. I'm tired.

But it's kinda nice - I have my desk back! It's quite a joy to me... My desk that I made with my dad many moons ago is now, once again, my desk. Of course, I think it was my sister who decided to paint it when it was her desk. Bleh. I love my unfinished wood :P

So I'm going to have to break out the torch and start bubbling some paint, whee!

I'm a little tired like I said... but I'll definitely be writing the girl side tomorrow.

Mmmmm, I look forward to it!

Boys...

and why they're stupid.

Girls, I hate to burst your collective bubble, but guys are complete dum dum heads. Jerks, dummerkopfs, SO*ahems*... the list could go on for many more words than I care to write.

Now to catalog the ways and reasons guys are stupid. Now, if you get down to it, I believe a lot of what people do stems from a good desire. The problem is, from that desire to action it goes through so many horrible mistranslations that when it finally comes out, instead of "I love you, dear", it comes out "Go soak your head, tramp!"

Well, when you get down to it, I could say there are two types of actions - selfish and selfless.

Guys are mostly selfish, but we get a lot more joy out of life when we're selfless.

Okay, so there was tons of rambling while I tried to get my bearings (largely that's what I do, if you hadn't noticed. You should've seen me writing one of my papers. BLARGH! That was horrid how much I had to throw out!).

So here goes.

I believe that us menfolk have been designed as such that we have a desire to take care of girls, make babies, and raise a family. Now, this is something I've more or less believed since the beginning of time.

I'm really not sure what guys believe, but if I look around, my guess would be they believe the TV. Which tells them that womens feel nice and purty and that womens are only good for being used cause we're so much better us big guys.

Dummerkopfs, like I said.

So, for the most part, that's how guys treat their women. The main goal is to "conquest" as much territory as we can. Surely you didn't think it was just a cute nickname that we "got to second base", did you? Underlying the stupid actions and desires there's a real urge, but for the most part it's repressed. Real Men don't have families. Real Men are like James Bond, sleeping with the enemy, and then killing her later with no remorse. Freak Yes!

Too bad that doesn't bring happiness. So it must have been the wrong girl, right?

Er... well, no, not exactly. Actually, nothing could be farther from the truth. Fellers, if you believe that, you're dumber than a sack of rocks and I have some wonderful oceanfront property in Arkansas to sell you...

So guys see women as a conquest. What else do they do?

Well, not only are YOU a conquest, but if they can get other women at the same time? Oh man, now HE's a man!

That's the theory anyway. It appears rather popular, from what I've seen. I think it's the dumbest thing since cigarettes, but hey, what do I know? I've never had sex or made out with 16 different women! Heck, I've only "made out" once, something that I truly regret. That I have at all. Mainly because I was being retarded, in that I believed her when she said she loved me.

Here's a tip for all those guys... if she ever tells you she loves you, and then at a later date she tells you that sometime between then and now she's made out with a bunch of guys and she wants your forgiveness... forgive her and then let her go. Either that or keep yourself when she's around, because honestly, the only thing she's going to do to you is break you down.

But yes, back to the dumb things we do... okay so those types of guys I told you about just now? The ones who are actively using you... those are the guys to drop like a hot tamale. Get rid of them fast!

But there's another type of guys who make dumb mistakes. But we do it out of sincere stupidity and love for you. We think it's the right and best thing to do for you. We may seem like it's about us, but it's really about you.

But how can you tell the difference? Is it for us guys or for you? Would you like to know? It's really rather simple.

If a guy wants something physical, it's for him. Period. It doesn't matter if you ask or throw yourself at him or anything. It's for him. And if he gives into you when he really doesn't want to, it's not any good for him.

Once you're married, things are slightly different. But if a guy wants anything physical, it's for himself.

If I wanna hold your hand? Yeah, that's for me. Cuddle? Yeah, that's for me. Hug? For me. Kiss? For me. Anything else? Yeah, that's for me too. Sure, you can enjoy it too... but it's really for me. Once you're married, however, things are completely different.

Now, we are physical beings, and we need physical contact to feel whole and complete (if you wanted to do some research, there are orphanages in other countries where they have so many babies and no one to hold them, and the kids - otherwise healthy - just give up and die. We need physical contact, fact of life). This physical contact, though, should be proportionate to our relationship. Acquaintances? Handshakes are good. Friends? Hugs are great. Been dating for a while or good friends? Holding hands, or an arm around the shoulder/waist is fine. Been seriously dating? Cuddle a bit, and maybe a chaste kiss goodnight. Don't know what a chaste kiss is? I'll give you a hint - if you could kiss your mother/sister/brother/father like that, it's OK.

Once you're married... well that's when you get to have all the physical fun. You've got a good 20-40 years of that ahead of you. Seriously, you won't miss out on anything.

So, what is a girl to do? I mean, you probably want some lovin' action, too.

Well, if you want to be in a good, healthy, enduring relationship... stick to my guidelines above. And if the guy wants more, STAY FIRM! Tell him NO, you do NOT do that. If you stick to your guns, you'll be able to separate the guys you want to be around with those you don't want to be around without a taser.

If the guy continues to press it after you've told him no? Get rid of him as fast as you can. Unless you'd like to be an object in an abusive relationship. If that's your idea of fulfillment... go right ahead, I'm not going to stop you. I will, however, stop talking to you. I try not to keep company with people who drag me down, and darling, if that's what you like, you're not the company I want to be with.

If, on the other hand, this guy says "Oh, okay," and gives it up? Now that's a guy you want to keep. Holy cow do you want him around! Of course, that's assuming he isn't getting a little on the side, but you should know about that one. But if he's faithful to you and is fine with those guidelines up there? Yeah, that guy is good as gold. He may do some dumb things, but he's a good one.

The sad thing is that most of the guys you know are boneheads. Truly. I've been guilty of it myself, but those events are really none of your business.

But if you go after the kinda guys I mentioned... well, you'll increase the quality of guys. It's the whole supply and demand - you girls are in demand, you have the commodity. Now, if you remain aloof and don't respond at all to our attentions... well, you'll be an old maid and you deserve it, jerk. You wouldn't believe the power you girls have over us guys, if you just know how to use it.

I'll talk a little bit about that tomorrow.

Please, get rid of the jerks. Go after some good guys instead.

Boys vs. Girls

So, I'm planning on writing a two part piece on Boys vs. Girls.

It's gonna be about the dumb things, relationship-wise, that boys and girls do.

If you have any comments or ideas, feel free to leave a comment for my consideration!

Should be fun, mainly because I'm going to thrash us both. wzerozerot.

Libraries, Love, Friendship, and Fun

First off, the Salt Lake City Public Library is one of the best I've ever been to. I think very seriously about moving/living in a huge city for that reason alone. I'm a library fiend!

Now, the rest of this post will be devoted to why I think MySpace is worse than it is good.


Now, some (or most, if the numbers don't lie) of you will disagree with me and say, "But MySpace is so wonderful! I have a great time on there talking to all those wonderful people! You're just mad because you only have (now, I have no idea what the number is, so I'll check... ahhhh) 18 firends!"

Well, yes and no. First of, I do have 18 friends, now let me go look through them so I can tell you how many of those I've talked to in the last month (that I can remember). Five. Five out of eighteen friends.

One of those I'm related to.

That's not very many. I will make a suggestion that the percentage of "friends" that everyone else has is a whole lot smaller. I would venture a guess that those who have friends in the hundreds contact friends in the single digits. If you take those five that I've talked to in the past month, and pull out the ones I've talked to in the past seven days, you have three people. Not very many, eh? And if you notice, the youngest "friend" of mine is (in reality) 16. She's related to me, my cousin.

Now, here's the counter argument to that - "But you have hundreds of people on your combined buddy lists! What's the difference??"

The difference is that I actually had to talk to them at one point. And if I choose not to tell them anything about me, they don't know anything. They don't know what I look like, they don't know where I live or anything else about me. They don't have to know my name, or my siblings or parents or anything, other than whatever we talk about.

Of course there are pros and cons to that, but nowhere near that of MS.

I suppose what it could boil down to is something that I inherently dislike to no end.

In the beginning of time (or maybe it's around when I was... I don't know, really... actually it probably was near the beginning of time for me), I had an inherent knowledge that everyone was people. When I began to enter into the fullness of mine age (read, puberty time, baby!), I began to notice girls, and unbeknownst to me, they noticed me as well. There was, however, a slight problem.

Forasmuch as I knew of their inherent worth as a daughter of Heavenly Father, and not merely an object for my physical gratification, I tended to treat them as such. Of course I have mine regrets about a certain number of population, but for the most part, I did rather good - especially when I was interested in them. Even more so when they had a low opinion of themselves. I suppose I took it to myself that it should be some good thing, if I were to make known unto them their true nature. And such I did.

When I talked to girls who were sad and lonely, who thought they had no worth, I could bring a ray of sunshine to their lives. And verily, I cared for them and who they were. It hurt me then, as it hurts me today, when I see guys treating their girls as objects to behold, rather than the being that they are.

Either the girls have not seen or they have not understood mine actions, for verily, they did all disdain me in favour of another. Most usually another sometime in the future. More specifically, I was worse than having nothing.

I'm not going to get into the me part of this, though it would be quite entertaining. No, instead I'll tell you about what the heck this has to do with MySpace.

MySpace is objectification at it's best. Or worse, whichever way that you look at it. I would be unsurprised if I was one out of the sea of millions who feels the same way I do. Perhaps there might be ten others... and I know there are some good groups on MySpace... but truly it's like having a healthy hand in a body that all major organs are clutched with cancer.

The objectification is thus that you are not a person to these... "friend collectors". You are a trading card. Your stats, photos, and videos, are what impresses them so much. Simply a video game to spend the time in between classes or whatever. You're not even a Pokeymans (yes I know that's not how it's spelled)! Heck, even Magic: The Gathering, is better than you on MS.

Why, exactly, is this? Because, Dear Reader, Pokemon and M:TG were designed for such a life. You were not. You are much more than that. Regardless of your religious belief (I can walk you through it in a philosophical sense, if you'd like. Give me a belief and some background, and I'll tell you how it works, unless you simply have a religious belief that you are nothing more than a trading card, in which case you're wrong, and you do know it.), you are much more than a trading card.

Those are my philosophical reasons to hate MS, but I do have one more reason. Two, really. Or rather it has a dual purpose, one philosophical, the other purely... well, I suppose to me it's mainly philosophical.

The layouts! My goodness! 99% of every MS page I see makes me want to create violent works of art with the author! In order to violate web sense, good design practice, humanity, and talent in such a manner requires first the sacrifice of millions of jews, help in the ethnic cleansing of Darfur and Kosovo, and the intentional destruction of a train full of dying babies!

The absolute inhumanity involved in the creation of these pages cannot be described with mere words! It's no wonder than so many people are depressed today! When I go to MS and see the sites people have "customized", I want to kill myself too! I wish for eyebleach almost every site I visit!

Seriously folks, that's some messed up "design".

But in all seriousness, I do believe that there are problems with it. I'd love to do a study to see if myspace really does make people feel depressed.

But I do know you're objectified. Really. Also, I know those guys who are your "friends" don't care about you at all, they just want to use your body.

I think that's what hurts me the most about anything is how blind, or uncaring, all these girls are. I care so much for all of these girls I know and I want their happiness. I don't want them to be used and objectified. If you happen to be a girl and reading this is (I bet all of you are, actually), I don't want YOU to be objectified.

So seriously... hate objectification, and avoid places that you are.

Please?

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Take me out to the crowd!

The Arkansas Travellers won the game tonight in the bottom of the 9th! w00t! The score was tied with 3 runs, and they had two runners on base... then their hitter got up, two strikes, two balls, two outs, and blasted it into deep right center for the game!!

It was pretty good... of course before that they were kinda sucking, but they managed to pull their chestnuts out of the fire.

Well I'm tired and it's late. Therefore it's soon time for bed.

Like... now.

Relatively Speaking...

So I'm pretty much gonna miss my cousins.

Why is that? Because not only are they pretty cool kids, but they also enjoy my company.

And I enjoy theirs. It's nice and fulfilling.

Oh well... in two years... in two years.